Page 9 of Descent
The fucker was playing with me as I played with myself.
“Christ, you suck me like a vacuum.” He let out a long groan, and unwanted tingles tore through me, heating my skin, making me press more firmly against my hand. I blinked hot humiliation down my cheeks, unable to stop the flow any more than I could rein in the way my body was wired.
He slid in all the way again and held, expelling a grunt of pleasure as I gagged. “So good and deep. Keep touching yourself. Get your cunt good and wet.”
The heat between my thighs intensified. I fucking despised my body. I hated Zach even more for making me do this. Closing my eyes, I gave myself over to the sensation of helplessness, of being used, and pretended Rafe was on the other side of those bars.
I imagined his fevered green eyes watching me as he fucked my mouth. He’d tighten his fist in my curls, just as Zach did now.
And in this moment, despite being locked up, I’d have complete power over Rafe. My submission did something to him, took him to a place where he had little control. It was an empowering notion, and the thought sent me over the edge. I moaned around the cock in my mouth as I flooded my fingers.
That’s all Zach was in this moment—a cock.
One that spewed its surrender into my throat.
Afterward, there was only silence, interrupted by Zach’s labored breathing as he shuffled back and zipped up his pants.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I wanted to cling to the fantasy of Rafe as long as I could. It was the only thing keeping me sane. The only thing keeping the guilt at bay for what I’d just done.
Just a cock. Just a fucking cock. It doesn’t matter, Alex.
I wasn’t sure Rafe would see it that way. What if he never forgave me for giving in to Zach? I should have held out longer. Another day without food and water wouldn’t kill me.
As if Zach heard my inner battle, he picked up the water bottle and tossed it into the cell. “Your payment for a job well done.”
I expected him to leave now that he’d gotten what he wanted, but he didn’t. He paced for a few moments before taking a seat against the wall three feet from where I sat, gulping down the water. Replacing the cap, I set aside the half-empty bottle, determined to pace myself because Zach’s payments were more than I could bear.
“Did I earn lunch?” The question dripped with dry sarcasm, but I didn’t think Zach heard it.
“Fuck yeah, you did.”
My stomach rumbled in answer. From the corner of my eye, I spied him watching me.
Always watching. Always waiting. It’s what he was good at.
“I’m not the bad guy here, Lex.”
“What else are you supposed to be then?”
“The man who loves you. The man who would do anything to have you. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Why can’t you understand that Rafe is the only man I want?”
“I get that you want him now, but things change. If I didn’t believe a part of you loved me back, I might have given up by now.”
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I dragged both hands down my face. “I don’t love you, and I don’t give a fuck if that hurts you. I stopped giving a shit about what you want or what you think when you drove me to slit my wrists.”
Dangling his hands between his knees, he dipped his head. “I’m more sorry about that than I can ever say.”
“Sorry doesn’t erase it. Sorry doesn’t give Rafe his life back, or his son his mother back. It doesn’t give me my innocence back. You stole so much, but it doesn’t even faze you.” I glared at him through the dim light, the weight of our entwined histories heavy in the air. “You can’t see past your obsession.”
“You’re right,” he said, his voice quiet. Sad. “I can’t. All I know is I need you.” He looked up, his hazel eyes bright with something I didn’t want to face, let alone understand. “I’ve always needed you. Even when we were kids, and you’d cling to me when Dad was on the warpath again, you calmed me, Lex. You’ve always grounded me.”
“We’re not kids anymore.”
“No, but the feelings are still there. If they weren’t, you would have let Rafe kill me in that cage instead of letting me go.”
His words thundered through my ears, hitting me where I was most vulnerable. I’d lost count of the times I’d analyzed the night I helped Zach escape. Rafe sure as hell didn’t understand why I’d done it.
I didn’t fully understand it either. If I’d let Rafe take care of him in that cage, none of this would be happening right now. How much more pain would Zach cause before I learned my lesson?
