Page 59 of Psychic Obsession
He sounded sincere, and why would he lie about it this long after?It was twenty fucking years ago, a different lifetime.They'd both been different people back then.It didn't mean it didn't still hurt, and as much as Frode wanted to deny it, it had shaped him.Not solely.His aversion to touch and closeness didn't come from Nikolai painting a target on him in school, but it had contributed to how he saw the world and the expectations he had of people.
"Fine, you didn't.But you did nothing to shield me from the outcome.You stood there and watched them, laughed with them."
Nikolai winced and looked away.
"And then I had to live with the consequences until I could move away for college whereas you waltzed away and laughed with your mates at the pathetic faggot who lusted over you."
"It's not--"
"I was there, Nesterova.You can lie to yourself all you want, but I was there, I know what happened."
Nikolai opened his mouth, then he closed it."I'm sorry.I wasn't ready to come out.My family never would've--"
"But I was?"
Nikolai scowled."Everyone already knew--"
"How could they when I didn't?Before you, I had never considered kissing a boy.I liked looking at you, but it hadn't clicked in my brain, so how could everyone have known when I didn't?"
Nikolai stared at him."Eh...I...don't know.I...You looked at me and I--"
"Right, so you assumed the entire school was aware, and throwing me under the bus was okay because you weren't ready to come out to your family, but I stood there with the entire football team laughing at me, and I had no idea what had happened."
He took a rapid step forward and was pleased when Nikolai took one back.Then he yanked open the refrigerator, pushed a beer at Nikolai, grabbed one for himself in one hand and the bowl with salad in the other.Stomping into the TV room was liberating, but it solved nothing.
* * * *
Chapter 15
Nikolai stared as Frode marched out of the kitchen.He wasn't sure what to do now.Going back in time wasn't an option, and he didn't think Frode would forgive him anytime soon.He had been a selfish kid, and he'd regretted how he'd acted back in school, but he wanted Frode to understand he'd never meant to humiliate him.He'd wanted to kiss him that day.It hadn't been a prank.
Maybe it was too little too late.
Perhaps forward was the only way to go from here.He'd show Frode he could trust him, and then...Then what?
Before he could figure it out, his phone rang.He groaned but reached for it.Seeing Julian's name lit up on the screen wasn't something he was prepared for.They hadn't spoken in weeks, and his stomach churned as his brain tried to come up with a reason why Julian was calling him.It wouldn't be anything good.
One ring after the other filled the room while Nikolai stared at the screen.Fuck.
When Frode appeared in the doorway and raised an eyebrow at him, he accepted the call."Nesterova."
A huff."You answer my calls with your last name now?"Julian was annoyed, and Nikolai squeezed his eyes shut.
"Julian.How are you?"
Silence.Nikolai opened his eyes and noted the look of concern on Frode's face.A scowl replaced it.The shift was so fast Nikolai was almost sure he'd imagined there ever had been anything other than a scowl.
"I'm fine."More silence.
"Good.I'm glad."
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
If he knew, he could've fixed it."Nothing."
"You sound like a stranger."
Nikolai pinched the bridge of his nose."I'm sorry.Why did you call?"
