Page 30 of Reckless With the Rookie
“He wasn’t blindsided.Carter asked him, and he said yes.”
My stomach does a little flip of excitement over the tidbit of new information.“He did?”
“He likes you, Blair.Why can’t you just feel that and be happy instead of being all neurotic about it?”
“Eat shit.Have you forgotten what a hot mess you once were over Noel?”
She grins.“And look how that turned out.”
Jules and Noel are completely wrapped up in each other, and I love that for her.They spend most of their time off work together—binge-watching shows, shopping, cooking, taking his kids out for dinner.
“I can’t have what you have,” I remind my sister.“I’m raising two kids who need all of me.I’m trying to get through school, and then ...”I shrug.“I don’t even know how I’ll do it, Jules.I’ll have to find a way to work forty hours a week and take care of my boys.I’ll need childcare.I’m not leaving them with other people even more so I can go have fun with a man.”
She covers my hand with hers.“Babe, we had a terrible example of a mother.She put herself first every time.Don’t overcompensate by teaching your kids that mothers can’t have anything for themselves.You’re not just a mom.”
Tears burn my eyes, her words making me surprisingly emotional.“I’m a mom who had two kids with a deadbeat, though.They don’t really have a dad.That means I have to be more.”
“I know, and you are.Eli and Coop are kind and sweet and smart and it’s all because of you.Just slow down, that’s all I’m saying.Magnus is a good guy.Maybe he’s not your future husband, but does that mean he can’t be anything?”
I shake my head, a knot forming in my stomach when I think about Coop throwing his arms around Magnus.He idolizes him.
“Don’t you remember all the men, Jules?”My voice catches.“Mom would bring them around, and some of them ...they were nice.I’d get this hope that maybe this one would stay.Maybe life would get better because he’d make Mom want to be better.”
She nods slightly, her brow furrowed.“I remember.”
“I know you mean well,” I say softly.“I know that, and I love you.But when you have kids ...it’s just different.”
Her eyes lock with mine, concern swirling in hers.“You should go back to counseling.I know I don’t have all the answers, but I don’t think you do, either.”
I scoff, tears dropping to my cheeks as I laugh.“Yeah, I don’t have a single answer.I don’t know a damn thing.I’ve been so adamant about my boys not having men in their lives who might leave and disappoint them later—but they met Magnus through hockey, and it happened anyway.”
“You can’t protect them from ever being disappointed, babe.”
I swipe the wetness from my cheeks.“I know, but I’m not going to be responsible for it.I can’t fill that hole, Jules.”My voice trembles with emotion.“If you could have seen the way Coop was looking at him and holding his hand ...fuck.”
“Okay.What can we do right now to help you feel a little better?”
“I’m fine.It’s just hard when I’m home by myself, with nothing but time to think.”I stand up and walk to the pantry, grabbing a can of Pringles and opening it.“How long will he even be staying with the Crush?Couldn’t he get traded at any point?”
“He’s on what they call a prove-it deal.He has this season to prove he’s good enough for a team to offer him a longer-term contract, like three years.”
“And that comes at the end of the season?”
She shrugs.“At the end of the season, he’ll already know.It’s January, and that’s about when teams would start talking to his agent.”
I talk through chewing my pizza Pringle because it’s just Jules.“Is he proving it?Will he get offers?”
“Oh yeah.Noel says he’ll get a contract.But don’t repeat that; I’m not supposed to know.What’s unknown is which team the contract will be with.”
“So he could be gone in a few months?”
“Yes.”
I roll my eyes.“I win the worst-taste-in-men award, once again.The prize is sadness.”
Jules laughs and stands up, hugging me.“Will you relax?He came over one time.He likes you and he likes your kids.Hang out with him.He’ll know soon where he’s going to land.”
“Okay, fine.”
