Page 85 of By All Accounts
“That’s…something, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about.”
Thankfully, our number was called before we could get back into talking about what we were there to talk about, which was—unfortunately and of my own doing—me.
“So what’s the real issue?” Lincoln asked after we’d all gotten through a few bites of our food. “Falling in love is scary, but you’re an adult. That’s not what has you worried.”
I threw a sidelong glance at Hunter. “Is he always like this?”
“He’s very observant.”
I shot a quick finger gun toward Lincoln. “Next time, I’m leaving you home.”
“Answer the question.”
“I want to be with them. I want it to be serious.” I paused. “It already is serious, and I think they know it’s serious, but we’ve not…we haven’t had that conversation.”
“Are they…fully open?” Hunter asked.
“Not anymore.”
“That certainly sounds serious,” Lincoln said.
“I know. But they’re getting married, and I’m just…”
“Don’t diminish it,” Lincoln interrupted, shaking his head.
“Excuse me?”
“They’re getting married and you’re what?”
“I’m just there.”
“You’re there,” he corrected, and Hunter dropped his head back a little, swallowing hard. God, the way power moved between the two of them should have been studied and immortalized in a museum.
“When Silas and Marshall started dating each other, Silas had to talk to him about me. He told Marshall we were basically a package deal, he explained what our friendship was like, and what it meant,” Lincoln said. “If they hadn’t had that conversation, it wasn’t my relationship with Silas that would have suffered, it was theirs.”
“So you’re saying if I don’t address this with them, I’ll be the one who gets hurt in the end. Again.”
“Oh.” Hunter set his chopsticks down and shook his head at me, looking much more like Marshall than he had any right. “I see what you’re doing.”
I leveled a glare at him. “What am I doing?”
“You’re in love with them so you’re trying to find a flaw or a gap or a problem because you’d rather have that conversation than admit you have real feelings for them.”
My mouth went dry as a fucking desert, and Lincoln looked like he wanted to crawl over the table and fuck Hunter right there. The two of them were perfect for each other’s egos, that was for sure. I was happy they were happy, that they were so in tune with each other, so connected.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I shoved my plate away. “I already told you I loved them. I admitted it.”
“You haven’t told them.”
“Of course not.”
“Why?”
“Because what if they don’t love me back?” My voice was too loud. The table next to us turned and stared, and I wanted to cry.
Love was a joke and I fucking hated it.
“What if I tell them how I feel and it’s too much? What if it doesn’t fit into the plan they have for the rest of their lives?” I pressed my fingertips against my eyelids, ignoring the incoming text messages that vibrated my phone against my thigh. I knew who they were from without even looking. “They’ve been together eight years…why now and why me?”
