Page 100 of Set It Right
“Yeah.” He tossed his cleaning cloth aside and approached me. “Phoebe left a few minutes ago. You just missed her.”
“Lily had said she was headed to the park. She made me take a break.” I forced my feet to move until I was right in front of him. “Why did you break up with Victoria?”
His brow dropped low over his eyes, but he didn’t hesitate to answer me. “It wasn’t going to work out.”
“It had nothing to do with me, did it?”
His lips parted, and for a moment, he said nothing. I held my breath, waiting for his answer, not knowing whether I wanted him to say yes or no. All I knew was I couldn’t breathe until I heard the truth.
He stepped forward and brushed his knuckles along my cheek. “Yeah, Zara, it did.”
A whoosh of air punched from my chest. “How? In what way?”
He gripped the back of his neck, turning away. “Because it wouldn’t have been fair to keep going out with her after I saw you again and realized my feelings hadn’t gone away. If she feels I wronged her in some way, I’m sorry for that, but I did the best I could by her.”
“What does that mean?” I pushed up on my toes, trying to get him to look at me. “What do you mean your feelings hadn’t gone away?”
He finally turned back to me. “I was in love with you when we were younger.”
“What?” I rasped.
He continued like I hadn’t spoken. “It had never been the right time to tell you, then you met Jackson. I’d missed my chance, if I’d ever had one, and had to let it go. And I really thought I had. Then you showed up, and that first night when we had dinner at my parents’ house, I knew it was still there. So I left their house and went directly to Victoria to let her know I couldn’t continue things with her.”
“You loved me?” My throat was so thick, I could barely push the words out. “Cormac, you loved me?”
“I was in love with you, Zara.” He laid his hands on my shoulders and slid them down my arms. “I still have very strong feelings for you.”
“You do?” He was going to make me cry. “You did? God, Mac, you didn’t tell me. You should have told me.”
Arms wrapped around me, he brought me into his chest, touching his lips to my forehead. “You were too young. Then there was the distance. I was happy to have you as my friend. I promise you, I treasured what we had, Zara, and I never wanted to mess that up. I thought once we got to college together, we’d have the time, but it never happened.”
“You should’ve told me.”
He held me tighter. “I’m not sure it would’ve worked out. You weren’t in the right place to hear that from me—”
“You don’t know that.” I pushed on his chest without much force. I didn’t want to be away from him; I just wanted my point across. “How could you know that?”
“I don’t. Not for sure. But it’s what I think. You were pushing me away, finding yourself on your own. If I’d come in guns blazing, telling you I was in love with you when you were falling for Jackson, I don’t think it would have ended well.”
I slumped against him, all my fight fleeing. “I hate myself.”
“No.” He tangled his hands in my hair, pulling my face back. “No, no, sweetheart. There’s nothing to hate. Look where we are. We’re standing here together. We’retogether, Zara. If I’d told you back then, I don’t know that we could be this way now.”
“But we missed so much time together,” I argued weakly.
“And we still have so much ahead of us.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this on your own for so long. I—” I rubbed my forehead against his soft T-shirt, inhaling the scent of his skin mixed with the sugar floating around the bakery. “It feels like I missed something important, and I’m so mad at myself for not seeing it.”
“I’m not mad at you.” He stroked along my back, still holding me so close. “For me, it was a fine line between loving you as my friend and loving you as…more. I can’t even say when it changed. It feels like it’s always been that way.”
“Cormac,” I cried softly, overwhelmed by what he was saying and the snakes waking up in my chest. I shuffled closer, my feet sliding between his, but it wasn’t enough. If I could have opened his rib cage and folded myself inside, that might have done the trick.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” He dipped down to kiss my cheek. “Love that freckle,” he cooed. “So pretty.”
I couldn’t think of what to say. This was too big for me to comprehend, but I knew it was impossible not to be angry with myself. If I’d been less selfish…if I hadn’t taken him for granted, things could have been so different.
At the same time, I understood the fine line. I couldn’t look back and see when his feelings had changed. There was no shift.He had always beenthis. So kind, loyal, and attentive. That was who he was.
