Page 11 of In Too Deep
“I have to finish my run, then figure out what to do with this chaos.”His voice sharpened.
“How’s Meg?”Will’s question landed hard.
Noah’s breath hitched.“Meg?”He tried to keep his voice even.“Why do you ask?”
Will’s laugh was knowing.“Did you really think Becca and I wouldn’t notice you bringing up a girl’s name more than once since Mary?”
Their kiss a couple weeks ago burned in his mind—Meg’s warmth, the way she’d fit against him, her big blue eyes pulling him toward a door he couldn’t close.Wouldn’t close.
Noah shook his head, as if Will could see through the phone.“We’re just…friends.”
The word felt hollow.A lie.Moments ago he’d been wondering if he’d been stupid enough to fall in love with her.Now the word rolled off his tongue as if saying it would make it true.
“Friends?You do remember that’s how it starts, right?”
Noah’s jaw tightened.
He remembered.Mary had been his best friend in college, the girl who laughed at his terrible jokes and challenged every assumption he made.He was different then—younger and naive enough to think love was a good thing and not something that could filet you open and leave you bleeding.
Will’s voice thickened.“I miss Mary too.She was my sister.But it’s okay to love again, Noah.”
Noah started off at a walk once more.“It’s not that I don’t think it’s okay.I know Mary would want me to move on.I just don’t know if I can.”
“When you’re done grieving—” Will started.
“That’s not what I mean.”Noah cut him off.“I’ll always miss her, and there’ll always be that sense of our story being left unfinished.But that’s not it.”He swallowed.“Watching you marry Becca, wait for Elise—it doesn’t fill me with joy like it should.It fills me with fear—gut-wrenching, nauseating terror that you’ll lose her, lose them.I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through.I don’t know if I could walk that road again.Or if I even want to take the chance that I could.”
“Don’t you think I know I could lose them?”Will’s words were soft but insistent.“I just have to trust that if I do, I won’t face it alone.And you don’t have to either.Closing yourself off to the pain also closes you off to the joy—something amazing God might still have for you.”
Noah’s chest ached.
He wasn’t sure he wanted God’s plan.The last one nearly destroyed him.Then again, he didn’t blame God for Mary’s death.He blamed himself.He should have driven her that day.
The verse he’d quoted to Meg yesterday came to mind.The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Funny how much easier it was to offer truth than to receive it.Because he believed that verse with everything in him.And yet he’d been trapped in this darkness for three years with no way out.
“I really have to go.I’ll call soon.”He ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket.He took off again in a run.
Another buzz vibrated against his leg.He pulled the phone back out.
Meg
I can’t make coffee this morning.Sorry.
Noah’s stomach twisted.
She never called off their morning coffee dates.Never.He’d bailed a few times—especially after their kiss—but she’d always shown up.
He needed to check on her.Surely she wouldn’t be working after yesterday.
Then again, knowing Meg, she would be.She’d throw herself into work, into helping others—anything to avoid facing her own pain.
He sprinted all the way home.
After a quick shower, he headed to the lodge, picked up their usual orders from the dining hall, then drove to Meg’s clinic.The morning sun crested the trees.The clinic’s dark wood and faded sign looked tired.
Inside, Meg stood at the counter in gray scrubs with—was that baby Yoda all over them?Her hair hung loose, with dark curls tumbling down her back.As if sensing him, she pulled a hair tie from her wrist and twisted her hair back into a messy bun before looking up.
