Page 55 of In Their Hearts
She’s mine.
I just need her to hear it. For me to tell her she doesn’t have to be alone. That I’m here for her.
My thumb hovers over her contact again, almost afraid to press. Afraid to hear the silence on the other end.
Because right now, silence is worse than any answer she could give.
I throw Grant’s phone across the bed at him. Where the fuck is she? I don’t understand any of this.
"She's not answering. Not my texts or calls. I've filled her voicemail. And nothing."
"It's late. She's probably sleeping, love."
It is ten o’clock at night. I sigh.
I need to tell him. He needs to know how I'm really feeling about Jo. The one and only woman to turn me upside down in an instant.
I don't know where this will take us, but Grant is my husband. We can work this out. I secretly want him to have feelings for her, too, but either way, I want Jo in our lives. I need her in my life. Everything changed the minute I brought her home. Seeing her in our house. Our space.
"Grant... I... I need to tell you something." My voice wavers. Damn. Why is this so hard?
"Anything. You know you can tell me anything." Grant joins me on our bed.
"I'm just not sure how you're going to feel." I've always known where Grant stands, and this, I'm clueless.
“I'm falling for her." The admission comes out quietly, and I can't even look at him for fear he won’t accept it. The fear that it could pull us apart.
“I had a suspicion it was going that direction. We've never talked about having a permanent partner, a third to our marriage. And before Jo, it’s been a while since we shared someone. This seems fast. Sudden."
“She’s more, Grant. I don't know how or when, but she's more to me.” I pause. “I love you. I'll always love you, but I think I could love her too.”
Grant is silent for a long time. I can almost feel him processing my words and trying to make sense of them. My anxiety increases with each passing second because I don’t know. He’s right. Before having Jo between us, it had been a while, and probably so long that he thought that part of our life was done. But nothing has ever felt more right than with her. I just have to hope I can show him that.
“Thank you for telling me. I don't know how we navigate this, but I need a little time. I thought I lost you, and I never want to feel that.”
“I admit there's something different with Jo, but..." Grant points to my burns and cut-up skin. “But this is too real. I’m too raw right now.”
I look at Grant, tears blur his eyes. I can’t imagine the real-life nightmare that played out in front of him. His business. His husband.
My body hurts, but my heart is aching more. I know I need to rest, but I can’t until I know she’s okay. Jo needs to know how I feel, too.
"I know, and I wish this had never happened, but I don't want her thinking we just left her. I'm worried about her. She has no family. Well, none have ever shown up, and she doesn’t have many friends. I don’t want her to think we ditched her, or worse, see this on the news. You know that her fiancé's death still weighs heavily on her life."
“Clay, love, you can't always be there for her."
He’s not getting it.
“But that’s just it. I love her!” I’m half yelling at this point. I don’t care. I need him to understand.
“Grant, just as you are worried about me, I am for her. She deserves someone to be in her life. She deserves so much more.”
I admitted that I love her. My heart swells with pride for the admission. For finally saying those words. I need Jo to hear them, too.
Grant is quiet again. He’s not even looking at me. Fuck. I take several deep breaths. Normally, I’m always calm; he should see what this is doing to me. That love—when right—it hurts when it’s not right next to you. Where she should be.
“Say something, please.”
“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think you’d completely fall for her. You loving her will change things. It will change us.” He sighs heavily, almost defeated.
