Page 53 of A Ruthless Arrangement
But her final text really makes me feel ill, like my lungs are going to give out and my stomach will turn inside out.What about our family?
I never bothered to ask if Alasdair was already in a relationship. I never asked if he had kids. I just assumed that, because he was marrying me, that he must be single and childless. But obviously I’m a prime example of that saying,assuming makes an ass of u and me,because I was wrong. Dead wrong.
This marriage was just business for him. It always was, and it always will be. He obviously already loves someone else. I was a fool for letting my romantic ideations get in the way of my better judgment. I take a deep breath and set his phone down again. I shouldn’t have gone snooping, but I honestly don’t regret it. It was better that I knew, that I could set the proper expectations. Now I’m better prepared, which sets part of me at ease, even while it breaks my heart.
I’m back to square one, resigning myself to a future of a loveless marriage. Romance is dead, and I’m the property of some manipulative man and nothing more.
But knowing that is better than living in an illusion and having false hope.
I go and sit in the seats Alasdair and I sat on earlier. The wind whips through my hair as I look out over the water. I take deep, steadying breaths as I think things through. I know what I’m going to do. I’ll talk to him about things, we’ll set boundaries and expectations. I’ll make it clear that his girlfriend comes first.This marriage is just business, so I’m going to treat it as such. I’ll support him and Marjorie, hell, I’ll be an aunt to their kids if that’s what they want. Or I’ll stay away if that’s what she prefers, which I suspect will be the case.
I imagine myself in a little cottage in Ireland, living alone and enjoying gardening while he’s off being a family man with her. We’ll be married in name-only, and I doubt we’ll even talk much. I have no doubt that he’ll make sure I’m taken care of financially, even if just a little, just to get me to cooperate and keep my mouth shut.
I think he’ll be surprised to find that my price is much lower than he might think. I’m not going to cause him trouble, nor this Marjorie. I don’t need as much coddling as he seems to believe.
A fierce stubbornness rises up in me as I make my decision. I think back to what he said in the coffee shop, about giving me a share of the profits from the docks. That’s all I’ll ask for, all I’ll require. I won’t be a burden to anyone.
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe I could take advantage of him after all, but not by making him buy things for me, but by believing that we could be more than just an arranged marriage, more than just business. I took advantage of him by assuming I could earn his love and have his heart. What if I’m manipulating him without even knowing?
With a newfound determination and a resolute decision, I take one final look out over the water and stand. His phone’s screen has faded to black when I grab it, which will help me sell the idea that I hadn’t seen anything. I walk down the aisle on the side of the boat to the front, seeing Alasdair, Jack, and Liam talking with a serious expression on their faces.
I stand a bit away from them, not wanting to interrupt the conversation since it seemed important and private. I remain far enough away that the motor of the boat conceals their wordsso they don’t think I’m eavesdropping. Eventually, Jack sees me and nods towards me, making the other two men look my way.
Alasdair’s eyes land on me, his expression intense as he gestures for me to join them with his head. I walk over and hand him his phone. “You left your phone back there. I don’t think you want Camden or someone else picking that up.”Someone else meaning me.
His eyes widen slightly, and he takes the phone from my outstretched hand, our fingertips brushing. But this time, I steel myself, not allowing myself to feel anything from the interaction. “Thank you, Amy.” His eyes search mine, and before I saw those texts, I would’ve thought that he was checking to see how I was doing. And maybe he still is, but I’m guessing it’s not because he cares, but he needs to know how to respond andcoddleme.
I nod in response, pulling my hand back and stuffing it into my pants pocket, trying to ignore the sensation of his skin against mine that my hand seems keen on remembering. I look out over the water.
Liam chuckles. “Look at that, Kerry, you’re not even married yet and she’s already looking after you. What a fine catch you are, Ms. Amy.”
I give Liam a small smile, since it’s not his fault that any of this is going on. “Thanks, Liam.”I wish anyone actually believed that about me, but I understand why they don’t.
“Of course, missy.” Liam winks at me, and I chuckle. There’s a loud exhale next to me, and I turn my head slightly to see Alasdair glaring at Liam out of the corner of my eye.
An awkward silence falls over us for a moment, and I’m about to excuse myself when Camden emerges from the insulated captain’s helm. I didn’t even realize that the boat had slowed to a stop until he came out. “Alrighty, folks! Don’t you think this is a pretty good view to have dinner with?” He waves ahand towards the horizon, and all of us turn to regard what he’s talking about.
The Statue of Liberty sits some distance away, with the setting sun to her side, bathing her in a glorious golden light. It steals my breath away, no matter the tumultuous emotions that are inside of me. For a moment, the world feels like it goes still. The thoughts flee my head, and all I can do is absorb this moment.
I feel a hand trace down my arm and pull my hand from my pocket, his warm hand encompassing mine. I tense, being yanked from the immersion of the moment as I turn to look at Alasdair. But he’s still looking at the view before us, even as he intertwines our fingers.
My chest feels tight with a swirling of sickening emotions. Is this really just a game he’s playing? How could someone be so manipulative, even while he loves another? Or is he only saying that he loves her? She thinks they’re going to build a family together. Or maybe they already have. Why would he do this to her, nevermind me? Does she know just how involved he’s pretending to get with me? Did she agree to this arrangement to better hisbusinessso that they’d have more stability for their future children? Or did she not know how extensive this would be, and that’s why she’s upset? After all, she did tell him that he was better than this. Clearly, she’s mad about it.
I feel bad for her, honestly. She’s probably just trying to go along with it since she loves him, and she understands that it’ll be profitable. Which might sound greedy, but if she’s thinking about her family, I don’t blame her. A mother’s love is unlike anything else.
It seems to me like Alasdair and I are going to need to have that talk sooner rather than later.
My hand is limp in his, not closing around his hand in return. He turns to look at me questioningly, searching my eyes againas if to get a gauge on how I’m feeling.I don’t think he wants to know that, because right now I feel like giving him a stern piece of my mind. I need to cool my jets before we have that discussion.
I turn away from him before my expression can reveal anything. Camden is setting a table that wasn’t there a moment ago with a crisp white linen, a trolley full of silverware and glasses just behind him. He smiles at me, the dimples in his cheeks showing as he sets four places. “Come on over folks, I’ll be right back with more drinks and then your dinner.” Camden grins before turning to head back to the kitchens.
Jack walks forward first, sitting in one of the chairs that faces away from the view. “Thank the Holy Mother Mary, I’m starved.”
Liam snickers and joins him, sitting in the chair next to him, which leaves the other two chairs that face the gorgeous view for Alasdair and I. “That’s because you’re not used to walking so much. You need to get out and get more exercise, big man.”
Jack rolls his eyes. “Shut your hole, Liam. You don’t know what you’re feckin’ talking about.”
Alasdair squeezes my hand, making me look at him begrudgingly. “Are you okay, leannán?”
