Page 46 of A Ruthless Arrangement
It doesn’t take me long. It’s a fairly large section on the back wall of the shop, with dozens of colors in all shapes and sizes of feminine shoes on display. I walk through them, looking for any that might suit me. Most of them are high heels, which I don’t regularly wear but may need now that I’m frequenting fancier places.
I wince at the prices. The cheapest ones are on sale for a hundred and fifty dollars. I’d say it’s ridiculous, but considering we're onfifth avenue, it makes sense. Besides, theyarereally nice shoes. Obviously good quality and pretty. If I was paying for it, then I would’ve run from this store the moment I spied the first price tag. Most of the shoes that aren’t on clearance don’t even have a price tag on them.Wild.
There’s a row of pretty boots on the top of some wooden shelves, far out of reach. They’re leather, and I admit, I’ve always wanted boots like that. They're just usually way too expensive. These are probably the best quality boots like this I’ve seen. The leather craftsmanship looks great and even the laces and zippers look like real metal.
If I’d ever let someone pay for something for me, this would be a good choice. And maybe a pair of heels, too.
I see a sale’s clerk coming around the corner, so I take a deep breath and wave her down. I usually hate bothering people likethis, but I know I’d be more of a trouble trying to get the boots down myself. I give her a friendly smile. “Hi. I was wondering if you could get a pair of those boots down for me, please? Size 8.”
Her eyes narrow, and she looks me up and down. The same scrutinizing look that I got at the boutiques at the hotel. They justknowI don’t have pure gold rushing through my veins like their other customers. “I’m sorry, but I think you misunderstand.” She has a polite customer service smile and voice on, but there’s an underlying tone of ice. “We have a wonderful selection of clearance items over here. But those are full price.”
Her words feel like a punch to the gut, and I wince. “Yeah, I know. I’m still interested in those boots, though.” I take a deep breath, trying my best not to shrink down. I want to advocate for myself. I have every right to be here as anyone else, and Icanafford to get these, thanks to Alasdair, but still. She doesn’t need to know my situation or who’s paying, just that theyaregetting paid for, and I want them.
She flattens her lips into a thin line. “Ma’am, it’s a lot of work for me to go get those down. I have to get a stool, a tool to help me reach them…it’s a whole thing. And if they aren’t size 8, then I’d have to go to the back to get them.”
She clearly doesn’t want to help me.“Um. Okay. So, it’s too much to ask for that?”
“Afraid so.” She gives me a fake smile, her eyes crinkling at the edges. Not in warmth, but straining, as if it’s difficult for her to force herself to smile.
I take a deep breath, feeling the urge to leave the store and go sit with Jack and Liam as my cheeks heat. “All right. Thanks anyway.” I’m not sure what else to say, since I’ve never been in a predicament like this before. What do you say to someone who is refusing you service? Just…bye? Thanks for nothing?
She nods and walks past me to another grouping of customers. I chew on my cheek. I got over the feeling of being out of place, but now it came back tenfold, making me want to crawl out of my skin and leave it behind.
I wander a bit, looking at the clothes, knowing not much is going to fit me. I don’t really check. I feel so out of place it hurts. Instead, I go find the home decor section and wander around that. I find a stool and sit down on it, surrounded by lamps, towels, and kitchenware. I don’t really have a home to decorate, so it’s just window shopping. My room at my mom’s is small and I can’t put nails in the walls since we’re renting.
Although, I suppose I may have a new home with Alasdair, but I’m guessing that’s in Ireland. It’s probably already decorated the way he likes it, too. It won’t bemine.I’m going to be out of place there, too, aren’t I? Living in someone else’s home and just adjusting to everyone else around me.
I had been looking forward to getting my own place someday, decorating it the way I want and having a space where I could just…be. Where I can freely take up space without apologizing or having to adjust to anyone else. It was a hope I used to hold onto. Now, I might not have it. I may be experiencing this sort of thing for the rest of my life, of being an imposter forced to walk among the rich. I feel silly for even trying, although I don’t have much of a choice.
“What are you doing over here?” Alasdair’s voice pulls me from my thoughts as he approaches, a few articles of clothing in his arms. “Does the sales associate already have your things at the cash register, leannán?”
I’d like to tell him the truth, that I’m not welcome in his world. But I really just want to leave here and not make a stink. The sooner I come to accept that this isn’t for me, the sooner we can move on and things will get better. “Oh, I didn’t really find anything.”
The frown that forms on his face makes my stomach twist a little. I don’t want to trouble him, but I know it’ll only upset him more to tell the truth. “Nothing? They don’t have a single pair of shoes you like? What about clothes? Makeup?”
I shake my head and shrug. “It’s…not really my style in here.”
He narrows his eyes and looks at my clothes. My sweater isn’t the most glamorous thing in the world, but it’s nice and I like it. It’sme.That being said, it isn’t the most uncommon of styles, either. A lot of the clothes are of a similar type here.
He holds out his hand to me. “Come. Let’s look together.”
My stomach drops. If he insists, then I’ll probably have to inevitably tell him the truth. Or he’ll see it for himself if that sales associate comes back, and then he’llreallyget upset. “Oh. I’m good. I think I’m kind of tired of shopping for the day. What else do you have planned?”
His eyes narrow further. “Scoot over,” he says gruffly, and I move to sit on the side of the stool, but it’s not that big of a seat. We are going to be way too close together.
Realizing that, I just stand up. “You can have it. I’ve been sitting there for a bit.”
A low growl of frustration escapes his lips, surprising me. He grabs my hips and pulls me back on his lap. “I don’t want to sit because I’m tired. I want to sit because I want to benear youso you can’t hide your face from me, little leannán.” He tucks my hair behind my ear so he can see my face better. “Now, why don’t you tell me what happened?”
My chest feels like a tightly wound spring, coiled with tension and ready to burst apart. I feel the heat of his thigh underneath me, and my monkey brain is very aware of it, too. I’m shocked by the temptation that flitters in my head to grind myself against his thigh, looking for friction. I shake such silly thoughts from my head. His chest is against my back as he turns my chin tolook at him. Our faces are mere inches apart, and suddenly it’s difficult to breathe. “I don’t know what you mean.”
He tightens his hold on my chin, still gentle, but tight enough for me to know he means business. “Don’t lie to me, leannán. I don’t ask much from you in this relationship, but that’s one thing I insist on. I’m not someone to lie to. Even if you feel like it’s what I want, it isn’t. I want your raw truth, even if it’s hard for me to hear, do you understand me?”
I give a small nod, feeling a bit startled by the fire I see in his eyes. He’s never been anything but gentle with me. But this is the closest that I’ve come to angering him, and it only causes me anxiety. And maybe a little arousal, not that I’d let that show.
His hand moves to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking against my skin softly. “Good. Now, you were going to tell me what happened, weren’t you?”
He arches his brow expectantly. I nod again, and he taps my cheek gently before releasing it. “Good. Go ahead, then, leannán.”
