Page 9 of Traitor
Crisp kept his eyes closed and tried to inhale the affection. He knew he should say something, but there was nothing except the one simple truth. “I love you.”
Jay’s entire body shuddered on a painful-sounding breath, as if he had been holding the air in his lungs the entire time.
His reaction empowered Crisp to continue. “That’s what I should’ve said earlier and stopped there. I would never purposely do anything to hurt you.”
Jay kissed his temple. “The way I feel about you terrifies me. I’ve never been allowed to have what you give me. But I also know I can’t survive this being taken away and I just…”
Crisp got it. Their pasts clouded a lot of things, and that was impossible to put into words. Logic didn’t have the wheel right now for either of them. That made this entire ship nearly impossible to navigate. What were they supposed to do now?
Chapter Five
Nestledbeneathacozystack of blankets, on the floor and close to the TV, Jay still couldn’t see the screen. It was just colored, hazy blobs moving around with the occasional flashing of lights. Jay preferred cuddling with Crisp and staring at his profile. There was no way Crisp didn’t know Jay watched him. Every once in a while, a tiny smile touched Crisp’s lips before disappearing again. Jay’s insides still shook. For too many reasons to count, the situation didn’t feel settled. His mind screamed with unspoken words. Crisp had definitely walked away from this morning’s event thinking Jay couldn’t handle a sexual relationship. When Jay had felt the fight bleed from Crisp earlier, the moment felt exactly like he had finally broken Crisp. He loathed the knowledge that words had failed him again when he needed them most.
Incapable of taking another minute of this, Jay unzipped Crisp’s onesie about six inches.
The smile was back. “You’re not watching the movie.”
Jay unzipped the outfit another six inches. All it would take was one more quick tug. “I can’t see it.”
Crisp turned his head. His forehead was furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me that sooner? I would’ve found us something else to do.”
A smile tugged at the corners of Jay’s mouth. “I’m content.” He yanked, unzipping the outfit the entire way. “You’re hot.”
Crisp’s eyes danced with laughter. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to remove the blankets covering me first?”
“I wasn’t talking about the temperature, even though it is way too hot in here for all this. My comment was about your looks. You’re way too handsome to be so hidden from sight.”
The humor in Crisp’s expression didn’t lessen. “What does that have to do with my clothing? You still can’t see me under all these covers.”
“True.” Jay ran his hand down Crisp’s bare torso. “But I can feel you and paint an image.” He massaged Crisp’s cock through his underwear.
Lust filled Crisp’s expression, but he still found a way to argue. “Why are you starting something you don’t want? Please don’ttake this as me being a dick, but if you don’t want this kind of relationship, then leave it alone.”
Jay didn’t take Crisp’s admonishment to heart. He had already known Crisp felt that way. Jay dipped his hand inside Crisp’s underwear and palmed Crisp’s growing erection. “I never said I don’t want this side of us too.” He froze as too many thoughts poured in. “But I totally understand if you don’t want me like this. You know who I was now, and I don’t look anything like I used to. I get that my head’s a mess and you’ll have to put up with me being in charge of how fast or slow we move so I don’t freak out unexpectedly. Everything about me is hard work and exhausts you. It’s totally fair if you don’t—”
“Stop talking.”
“Want me now,” Jay said, speaking over Crisp, and finishing his thought. Panic mode had been engaged. He couldn’t stop. “I should’ve been a man earlier and found a way to talk about this and make sure you know that I want a real life with you. I want to stay and—”
“Stop talking.” This time, Crisp put his hand over Jay’s mouth. “Just stop.” His eyes were filled with silent laughter. That was the only reason Jay’s tongue stilled.
When Crisp obviously decided Jay would stay quiet, he dropped his hand. “Three facts in less than thirty seconds. I’m fine with you taking the lead as long as you understand that makes us a monogamous couple because I don’t share. This is real love. I never want to be with anyone else, no matter how much or howlittle sex is involved between us. Now, I’ve made myself clear, and you can talk again.”
Jay couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m not sure all of that only contained three facts, but I agree.” He sobered. Jay needed Crisp to know how seriously he took this. “Don’t move, okay?”
Crisp gave him a small nod.
Jay leaned Crisp’s way and touched his lips to Crisp’s mouth. As promised, Crisp stayed still. Jay mimicked Crisp’s earlier kiss, using his skill of adapting to be whatever his lover desired. Not everything about his training was useless. He tasted Crisp’s bottom lip before diving in to play with his tongue. There was so much unfamiliar affection suffocating him. If all they ever did was this, Jay would have the best life. Emotion overwhelmed him. Crisp couldn’t understand. He had gotten out before their programming took complete control. Meanwhile, Jay had been living that life—immersed in the thick of things. No one had reached him through the brainwashing. Crisp was all the way under Jay’s skin, fighting like hell for him. Just as Crisp said, this was real love.
Jay shifted position until he had Crisp beneath him. He brought Crisp’s arms over his head and linked fingers with him. They kissed as if they never had to move from that spot. Jay’s body ached, but it had for months now. He could take it. This kiss was more than he had yesterday. More than he deserved.
A loud banging on the door sent Jay flying to his feet. Crisp scrambled upright right behind him.
Crisp zipped his pajamas and frantically waved for Jay to get inside the bedroom. He didn’t make it. The door swung wide. Jay could only make out the outline of two huge figures but no distinct features.
“Let’s go. Both of you.”
For a moment, Jay considered making a dive for his closest gun. But Jay couldn’t see clearly any longer, and Crisp stood between the intruders and him.
