Page 30 of Traitor
Crisp found himself smiling despite the situation.
Austen crossed the room. At his urging, Jay showed him his ribs. He poked around while Jay remained stone-faced.
“Why did you keep such a huge thing from us? Do you not trust us that much?” The hurt in Tracker’s questions squeezed at Crisp’s heart. He supposed someone had to be the first to start.
Before he could answer, Scout spoke. “I actually knew about this since I’m married to the head of security here.”
Clay nodded.
Henry chimed in, “I’d never keep such a thing from Field, so he knew too.”
“Me three,” Rain said. “Austen treated Jay’s injuries after he had been tortured. We don’t keep secrets.”
Shadow nodded. “Rain and I also don’t keep anything from each other, so I knew too. Plus, Ridge obviously did as well. He’s my husband.”
Edge raised his hand for a second. “I’m married to Henry’s second, so I've known for a while also.”
When Foster spoke, he was the only one who sounded genuinely angry. “I knew too, but I only learned about it today.”
Atticus cleared his throat. The noise just sounded guilty. “I was forced to tell him after I cut into our wedding cake ahead of time. That was one antic too far for even Foster’s patience.”
An older gentleman stood behind Atticus, nodding as if he had witnessed the entire thing.
Briggs raised his hand. “I knew, but I have no plans to admit to how.” His gaze slid Jett’s way, and Crisp nearly burst out laughing, especially when Shore spoke. “Yeah. I know for the same reason.”
Crisp huffed. He wondered how Jett survived working for Beau, with his complete inability to keep a secret.
“I should never have pressed for that DNA test.” Zeus sounded more than a little upset. He stood behind the couch and squeezed Tracker’s shoulders. “This is on me. I drove this wedge.”
Tracker looked stunned. “I can’t believe everyone knew except me. I—”
Foster cut him off. His eyes flashed with hurt and anger. “Neither did I, technically.”
Crisp’s chest hurt.
Tracker wasn’t finished. “I saw your face when we opened those results. Right then, I should’ve burned those papers. They didn’t matter, but I also fully recognize that I haven’t done everything possible to make sure you know they don’t matter. It’s my own damn fault you couldn’t talk to me. I got so excited about a new project that I couldn’t stop and didn’t think of the consequences. Then life turned on its head with Zeus and me, and I don’t know. I was too focused on myself to think about anyone else.” He looked directly at Crisp and held his stare. “Why would I do that?”
“You weren’t the only one,” Field chimed in. “This is on me too. I decided to work on my mental health, and I’ve swept everything else to the wayside.”
Everyone started speaking over everyone else, arguing about how it was their own fault in some fashion after those results landed.
Crisp couldn’t take it. “Maybe it was never about that.” At his shout, Crisp realized it was true. “Maybe it was never about any of you at all.”
Tidy squeezed his hand.
Crisp pressed on. “In the beginning, yeah. I worried what one of you might do to Jay if you learned he was still alive. But once he was healed, and I knew he couldn’t take care of himself, keeping him secret wasn’t about you or even Jay anymore.”
Someone brought chairs for them. Crisp sat with Jay and Tidy, both still holding his hands.
Jay’s thumb brushed over his, showing his solidarity.
That was all Crisp needed to continue. “You’re all special in a way I’ve never been. Those skills are what’s had you spending nearly every minute together for years, practicing upcoming jobs and whatnot. Tidy and I haven’t been needed for any of that.” He looked Tidy’s way. Tidy dipped his chin, letting him know it was okay to continue. “We haven’t been one of you for a long time. That’s just life. We each have our own. No one ever expected you to do anything extra for just us. But when I found Jay, I realized I had dealt with death while feeling isolated for so long, I couldn’t watch another damn person die. Especially not him. Not when he had endured so much to keep from giving any information about us. Obviously, that sacrifice had nothing to do with me personally.” Crisp took a breath to calm himself. It sounded shaky. He started again. “Somehow, that sacrifice still felt like more than any of you have done for me.” God, those words hurt. They burned his throat. He felt guilty and selfish. But this was how they had ended up here, and his brothers deserved a full explanation.
Crisp looked toward Foster, Scout, and then Tidy. “You know none of what I say extends to you.”
Foster looked hurt, but he still nodded. Scout gave him a quick chin up. Tidy’s expression screamed peace. He knew none of what was currently happening had a damn thing to do with him. Crisp spoke for both of them.
Crisp focused on Tracker again. He hated the mixture of guilt and pain staring back at him. “Jay wasn’t a secret out of fear or because I’m not related to any of you. Our relationship has been the one thing that’s ever been mine. He’s the one person who isn’t here for—” Crisp stopped short and ran his fingers through his hair in his frustration. He felt like anything he said wouldn’t be understood. They weren’t him. Their experience hadn’t been his, or Tidy’s, or Foster’s. “Just forget this. None of this was on any of you. You were all out there carving your personal paths to happiness, exactly the way I want for you. That’s all this entire situation has been for me too: me building a new life. We should’ve just disappeared a long time ago the way Tidy wanted. You wouldn’t be in this awkward position of feeling like you need to pretend that nothing I’m saying is true. I wouldn’t have to see all of you look at me the way you are now. You don’t need to think about this ever again.” He motioned Jay’s way. “This is Jay. We’re happily married. Tonight aside, things have been great. I’ve missed all of you a lot.”
