Page 100 of The Nanny Game Plan
Dean: It is NOT badass. She could have been killed! And she put my children in danger. She didn’t mean to, and she did everything she could to protect them once she knew how dangerous Dex was, but I’m not sure that matters.
Capo: Oh, come on. I think it matters. I think it matters a lot. I mean, it’s not like she wants to be a full-time amateur detective. She was just trying to get to the bottom of a shitty situation that impacted her personally. She’ll probably never get involved with anything this crazy again.
Dean: That’s what I’ve been telling myself the entire time she’s been in with the investigators today, getting debriefed or whatever, but…I don’t know. I had to warn Elly that the girls might be being targeted by bad people before I dropped them off at her and Grammercy’s place last night for an overnight. My three and four-year-olds. I’m having a hard time shaking that.
Capo: Well, not to be a dick, but you fired Clover already, didn’t you? Wasn’t that why you were on leave before? So, you could watch the kids yourself while you found a replacement?
Dean: I did fire her. But only because I wanted to date her.
Capo: Oh, shit! That’s messy, man. But understandable. She’s drop-dead fucking gorgeous, but still…messy.
Dean: I know, but I couldn’t help it. From the moment I met her, there was just this connection, you know? It feels like I’ve known her for years, and the girls adore her, and I’m so gone on her, I can’t think straight.
Capo: So, what’s the problem?
Dean: I can’t think straight! That’s the problem! I can’t trust myself to do what’s best for my kids because I’m in deep with an impulsive woman eleven years younger than I am, who almost got herself killed last night.
It was close, Capo. I can’t go into the details, but it was scary as fuck.
And I let myself get too close to the scary as fuck. I should never have been within ten feet of an FBI sting operation, let alone have had my boots on the ground. I have no idea what was going through my head.
Capo: Wow. Okay. This is a lot.
Dean: It is. But I can’t break up with her. Just thinking about it makes me physically fucking ill. Am I a shit father?
Capo: NO! No way. Come on, dude. That’s crazy talk. Put that out of your head right now. You’re a great dad. You and Grammercy are both total dad goals. If I ever have a kid, I want to be just like you guys.
Dean: Thanks, man. Really. That means a lot to me.
Capo: Of course, my guy. And you shouldn’t break up with Clover. Don’t even think about it. You should just…make her promise not to do anything like this ever again. Would that be enough? Or are you worried the fallout from this thing with Dex and Gio is going to be ongoing or something?
Dean: No, I don’t think so. As far as I know, all the people who knew Clover were involved are behind bars and are going to stay there for a long time. I think it’s probably fine.
Capo: Then, it sounds like you have your answer.
Dean: Do I? I’m the only parent the girls have left. I can’t afford to take any chances. I can’t afford to lose focus or get swept up in a bunch of feelings that I can’t control.
Capo: You can’t afford to be in love? Is that what you mean?
Dean: Maybe.
Capo: I get it. Love is scary. And half the time, it ends in a flaming dumpster fire. Like with Keely. I don’t know if she’s ever going to get over what her ex did to her. It’s been months since they divorced, and she still bursts out crying all the time because something reminds her of that rat bastard. Who she still loves and hates and can’t stop thinking about, no matter how hard she tries.
Dean: I know. My marriage ended in a dumpster fire, and THEN my ex’s plane went down in flames, leaving me with two grieving kids who can NOT handle any more loss or pain right now. If this thing with Clover doesn’t work out and she leaves a year or two down the road, right when they’ve started to think of her as their new mom, it will kill them. Seriously, it might actually kill them. How can I even CONSIDER putting my babies in a position like that?
Capo: Oh, man. That’s tough, it really is, but…what’s the alternative? You push her away now, before they get attached?
Dean: They’re already attached. They already adore her, but at least they wouldn’t have the chance to get any more attached.
Capo: Hmm. Okay. Maybe, but is that the kind of example you want to set for your kids? That it’s better to push the people you love away before they can hurt you than stick it out and take a chance on deep and lasting happiness?
Dean: You have a point.
Capo: I know. I’m getting really good at life advice. Keely’s been giving me a crash course in “How to Give Your Shattered Friend Good Counsel.”
And no offense, Dean, but you’ve been through some shattering shit, too. It’s okay that you’re scared for yourself and your girls after everything you’ve been through.
But what’s that saying about courage? That it’s not about doing scary things without fear, but doing scary things despite the fear? Something like that?
