Page 7 of Hate To Want You
Violet, who’s always been a quiet, serious little girl, places her hands on my mom’s cheeks. “Dat’s okay. I’ll stop growing.”
A chuckle escapes me, and Vi turns to me, granting me one of her rare smiles. “Hi, Unca Maxy.”
“Hey kiddo, hate to break it to you, but not growing isn’t an option.”
“And he’s your doctor, so he’s the boss,” Leo’s deep voice chimes in. “Hey Aunt Claire, smells great in here.”
He walks over and drops his hand on my shoulder. “Hey cuz, how’s it goin’?”
I lift my shoulder in a shrug. “Can’t complain. How ‘bout you and Serena?” After moving to town last year to take over as the new deputy chief, Leo discovered his high school sweetheart Serena lived in town. They rekindled things and are happily engaged now.
Funny how Sawyer doesn’t have a problem withtheirrelationship, only Kat and Hunter’s.
“All good man, all good.” Leo’s words match the smile on his face as he watches Serena come into the kitchen, greet my mom, and take Violet from her, setting her down so she can play with the toys Mom bought just for this reason.
“What are you two handsome boys talking about?” Serena asks as she walks up and nestles into Leo’s arms.
“How happy I am,” Leo whispers quietly into her ear, but I make out the words anyway. She tilts her head up to meet his and they kiss, which is my cue to go somewhere else.
Dinner is the usual loud and chaotic event. But after, once Leo and Serena take Violet home, and my siblings all leave, it’s just me and my parents cleaning up.
“You don’t have to stay,” Mom says, like she always does, but I just move her aside and keep washing the dishes.
“My hands are wet, so I’m staying.” We have this debate every time.
“Fine.” Grabbing a towel, Mom starts drying and putting things away as my dad walks in from the garage.
“Max, did your mom mention we had a call from Morag Haynes the other day?” he asks, settling into a stool at the counter. “Hard to believe it’s been twenty-seven years since Callum died.”
“Oh yes, she called to thank us for the flowers we sent over. It was nice to catch up; we really should make more of an effort to connect. Have you talked to Quinn lately?”
My hands still in the soapy water at that name. Quinn Haynes. My best friend growing up, we were inseparable as kids. The two of us, and his older brother Callum. The truth is hard to admit, but I haven’t talked to Quinn in a long time.
“Not in a while,” I answer evasively. “How’s Morag?” I keep my eyes on the sink of soapy water.
“As well as can be expected. Still grieving, but I suppose she always will. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child so young.” Mom’s head rests on my shoulder briefly and silence falls over the kitchen.
Callum’s death is the reason I went into medicine. Because all those times visiting him in hospital, I was simultaneously in awe of what the doctors could do for him while being so angry they couldn’t do more.
I didn’t understand it back then, why they couldn’t make him better. Now I know better. Now I know cystic fibrosis is a horrible disease that all too often beats any treatment protocol. It’s the source of so much pain and frustration from both the medical community and the families affected by it.
When I get home that night, I find myself opening my phone and typing in Quinn’s name. I haven’t looked him up in years, and I don’t know what I would say to him now.
Sorry I disappeared from your life, sorry your brother died, sorry there still isn’t a cure for CF. Sorry I never got the chance to try and find a cure like I promised you and your brother I would. Sorry I fell for a woman who stole that opportunity from me.
Cara Andrews.
I flip my phone around in my hand a couple of times. Call it a stress response, or a nervous tick, all I know is that I only started needing to fidget with something after that day twelve years ago. I bet a therapist would have a field day with that.
Dropping my phone, I clench my hand closed and open it again. I repeat the motion a couple of times in a futile effort to clear the tangled web of angry memories. Quinn. Callum. Cara. Thad. Heidi. Five names for five people who shouldn’t have anything to do with each other but are forever entwined in my memories.
One taught me that life is fragile and you can lose someone that matters to you in a heartbeat. One taught me that guilt and pain can destroy a friendship. One taught me to never trust a woman, or anyone, with my vulnerabilities. One taught me that the world is full of selfish assholes. And one taught me that beauty and kindness can be only skin deep.
Chapter four
Heidi
My new approach for dealing with Dr. Max Donnelly is to let his grumpiness roll off my back and give him absolutely no reason to doubt my skills and professionalism.
