Page 14 of Hate To Want You
“Oh my God, no one. Mom, stop it. There’s no one.”
She lets out a small huff. “Fine. Deprive me of possible future grandchildren.”
“Really?” I reply, smirking at her dramatics.
“I just want you to be happy. You deserve the best, my baby girl. I know he hurt you and broke your spirit, but you’re a phoenix rising from the ashes. You’re so much better than he ever made you believe you could be. The right man won’t break you down. He’ll build you up. I want you to find that. And you’ll never find it if you don’t at least try.”
Well, crap. Now I can’t even be annoyed at her anymore.
“I love you. I promise I’m not closing myself off to meeting someone, it just isn’t a priority right now.”
“It hasn’t been a priority in how many years?”
Eight or nine, give or take, but who’s counting.
“Like I said, I’ve been busy.”
“I know, and I’m so proud of you, Heidi. Can I say just one more thing, and then I promise I’ll stop?”
I nod, gesturing at her to go on.
“At the risk of sounding like my very traditional grandmother, you’re not getting any younger, honey. You’re in your thirties. I know how important having a family is to you, or at least, used to be. I don’t want you to lose that opportunity because you’re so busy trying to become the person you’ve always wanted to be and trying to make up for the years you spent with him.”
Sometimes, being good friends with your mom and having her know all the dark and gritty details of your past heartbreaks isn’t a good thing. Like when she peels back all the layers you thought were hiding your true desires and forces you to face the things you’d rather ignore.
After Mom and I hang up, I wander into the kitchen, thinking on what she said. Am I going to wake up one day, happy with my career but miserably alone? Grabbing a bottle of tequila out of the cupboard over my fridge, I pour a shot and throw it back. Then I go back to the couch, pick up my phone, and download the dating app I overheard some nurses talking about in the cafeteria earlier this week.
If “Left for Love” is good enough for its own CEO to find love, maybe it’ll work for me.
But after I take the personality test and start swiping on the guys their program recommends for me, a pattern starts to emerge.
If they aren’t dark and broody-looking, I’m not interested.
If they aren’t doctors, I’m not interested.
If their name isn’t Max, I’m not interested.
So basically, I’m swiping “no” on everyone because none of them are my very off-limits boss who seems to hate me.
Sorry Mom, my love life is over. Apparently, I’m more messed up than I realized when it comes to men. If the only person I can find attractive is the one that is not only off-limits but has also made it clear he wants nothing to do with me, then I’m truly screwed.
Life of a nun, here I come.
Chapter seven
Max
“All I’m saying is, if one of you doesn’t come with me the next time we hit Last Call for ladies night, I might have to disown you.”
Sawyer’s pout is so exaggerated, I roll my eyes as I sip my coffee. I came to town to spend the afternoon with my family. It’s rare for more than one of us to have a day off together. Most of the time, evenings are the best we get. But today, Sawyer’s off shift, Beckett had a short day, and even our cousin Leo agreed to join us for coffee from The Nutty Muffin.
“Sawyer, not everyone wants to be known as a man-whore,” Leo says far more patiently than I would have.
My younger brother tries to look insulted but ends up looking even more ridiculous. “Man-whore? I prefer ladies’ man. And what’s wrong with seeking out a little good ole consensual fun?” He waves his hand at Leo, dismissing him. “You don’t count now that you and Serena are attached at the hip, but these two —” he flings a dramatic finger at Beckett and me “— are single, virile men. It’s an insult to women that they aren’t out there bestowing them with attention.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” I mutter. “Mom would fucking murder you in your sleep if she heard you.”
“Hey. You know damn well, I don’t cross any lines that shouldn’t be crossed. I just like to get out and enjoy myself with company of the opposite sex.”
