Page 9 of Hate To Want You
“When you do that, they doubt me. And when they doubt me, they shatter. And these families donotneed to shatter.”
I hate the fact that he’s reaming me out in a semipublic spot. However, the fact that he’s doing it not because of his ego, but because of his concern for his patient’s comfort and trust in him makes me dial down my flare of defensiveness just a little.
But not entirely.
Folding my arms across my chest, I glare right back at him. “I had no intention of undermining your decision, Dr. Donnelly. I was simply trying to suggest a more thorough diagnosis to ensure we don’t miss anything.” I tilt my head to the side and force an accommodating smile, even though that’s not how I’m feeling — at all. “In the future, how would you like me to provide my opinion?”
His eyes narrow. I’m being petty, I know. I should be a good little resident and apologize meekly. But I don’t do that anymore.
He leans in closer, dropping his voice down to a menacing whisper. From this distance, I can see his eyes flare wide. “In the future, you’ll provide your opinion when it is asked for. And you’ll do it before I inform the patient and their family of our plan, not after.”
Our gazes are locked. A rational part of my brain knows I was right to suggest the ultrasound. And I know thatheknows it.
He just doesn’t like that I’m the one who suggested it.
“Doctors,” Ginny’s firm voice interrupts us. “Might I suggest you take yourdiscussionsomewhere the other patients can’t overhear?” Her casual statement is laden with meaning. My cheeks flame with embarrassment. The last thing I need is for my coworkers or other patients to hear me fighting with my attending in the first week. That doesn’t bode well for my future here.
I open my mouth to apologize, even as it grates on me to do so when I honestly feel like I’m not the one who’s out of line. But before I can say anything, Dr. Donnelly pivots and stalks over to the nursing station. He says something quietly to the clerk and she hands him a chart.
“You okay, honey?” Ginny asks, quieter now. “I didn’t mean to get in the middle of anything, but it was getting a little heated.”
I choke out a pained laugh. “Heated is one way to put it.” She rests her hand on my shoulder for a second, then squeezes lightly before walking back to her office. I watch Dr. Donnelly for a minute longer. He smiles at the unit clerk, then turns and heads off down the hall.
This is what I don’t understand. He’s capable of being a reasonable, respectful human being.
So why is he so horrible to me?
Thankfully, Dr. Donnelly isn’t on call for the entirety of my twenty-four-hour shift. After he goes home, I’m on my own, with only the on-call attending to refer to if I need anything. Who, interestingly enough, greets me warmly, says they’ve only heard good things about me from my former nursing colleagues, and is more than happy to discuss my thoughts on the new febrile seizure protocols.
Basically, my interactions with Dr. Rollins, who insists I call her Maura, prove that Dr. Donnelly has something against me and only me.
I toss and turn on the single bed in the on-call lounge, sleep evading me at 2 am, and it’s all his fault. Because I can’t stop obsessing about why he could possibly be angry with me. As far as I know, I’ve done nothing wrong in the few days we’ve worked together, and I know we never had an issue when I was a nurse.
But if he’s the head of the pediatric department, then do I really want to work here?
As soon as that doubt creeps in, I bolt upright. “No. Hell, no,” I mutter to myself, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. There’s no dang way I’m letting anothermanmake me change my dreams, my goals, and my plans.
Been there, did that, didn’t like it very much.
The island, this hospital, this area — I’ve wanted to be here my entire life. I have always envisioned myself settling down here, buying a house in the nearby town of Dogwood Cove, raising a family close to the ocean and the mountains.
I almost gave up on that dream when I was with Thad. I was blinded by his manipulations; I couldn’t see how terrible of a person he really was. It took a lot of therapy to realize how toxic our relationship was, and even more to start believing again that I was worthy of having my own dreams and goals come true.
Being here is one of those goals. And I’m so close to reaching it and fulfilling the dream of having a life here.
And if Max Donnelly thinks he can force me back into the small, passive person I was, or scare me away from my dream, he’s wrong.
So wrong.
Chapter five
Max
My head is all screwed up right now, I’m constantly on edge around Heidi, and it’s starting to affect my work. When I saw Heidi looking at a fellowship opportunity with the cystic fibrosis research program, I almost lost it. Hell, Ididlose it.
Fucking Cara Andrews and her fucking study making news all over the fucking world.
Fuck her.
