Page 38 of Hate To Want You
Her face splits into the widest smile I’ve ever seen.
“A little clandestine romance never hurt anybody…” The seductive, teasing lilt to her voice has me sliding my hand around to the back of her neck as I tug her in for another kiss.
I kiss her once more because now that I’ve had a taste, I don’t know how I’ll ever stop. Then I reluctantly step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”
Her lips — that I know now are exactly as soft as they look — curve up into a satisfied smile. “Okay.”
Walking backward, I keep my gaze connected with her until I bump into my car with my ass. Her hand lifts to cover her soft giggle, and I give a rueful smile in return before finally turning away to get in my car.
The drive home is short, and that citrusy smell I’ll now always associate with Heidi lingers inside my car. The dumb smile that’s been on my face since I kissed her is locked in place. It’s only when I get inside and dump my phone and keys on my kitchen counter that I notice a message waiting for me from Sawyer.
SAWYER: She’s hot man, don’t mess it up.
MAX: I thought you didn’t believe in relationships
SAWYER: I don’t. But fuck, the way she looked at you almost made my pants tight.
MAX: That is so wrong.
SAWYER: You’re tellin me. Look, Heidi seems great. I’m just saying, you might have your reasons to not want to get close to someone, but she might be worth breaking your rules.
He’s right.
She is.
Chapter eighteen
Heidi
Walking into work the day after kissing Max feels a bit like the first day of school as a kid. The nervous anticipation, the excitement for the unknown, the overthinking of what to wear, all of it.
We agreed to keep things a secret for now, but how hard is that going to be now that I know what it’s like to be held by him? I’ve felt his lips on mine, his hands on my body, and I’ve heard his rough voice whispering filthy, perfect things into my ear.
The fantasies and dreams he used to exist in actually have a chance of coming true. Which is exhilarating and terrifying. That fear has me clinging desperately to wanting to keep whatever this is strictly physical. No emotions. Because the last time I let a man into my heart, he ruled my life for far too long.
I’ll be damned if I ever let that happen again.
When I get to the peds nursing station, he’s not there. There’s no mistaking the flash of disappointment that brings.
Instead, Tina comes rushing up. We haven’t had a shift together since the failed online dating experiment. “You’re glowing,” she states dramatically. “Am I that good of a matchmaker?”
Of course, just as she’s saying that last word, Max appears. Our eyes connect instantly, and he quirks a brow at me. I give what I can only hope is a subtle shake of my head.
“Sorry to disappoint, Tina, but no. He was a total dud. Spent more time talking about his wish list of classic cars, and how his high-paying job as — get this — a real estate agent was going to get them for him. Pretty sure he mentioned his ‘fucking awesome stockbroker’ a dozen times and how they were ‘making a killing in bitcoin.’ I left before dessert.”
Tina covers her mouth as she laughs. “Oh God, I’m sorry. Did he call his stockbroker ‘bro?’”
I nod slowly, sneaking a glance over at Max, who’s doing a really good job of pretending to focus on a patient chart. But I see his lips tipping up slightly.
“Anyway, no more online dating for me. If I’m going to find a guy, it needs to be someone who understands the demands of our work, and someone who seesmeand wantsme. I don’t think a little worshipping is too much to ask.”
Max’s eyes flare wide, and I see the subtle clenching of his jaw. But it’s not anger or frustration. Nope, I know better now. That’s desire.
And it’s directed at me.
He’s flipping a pen around in his hand, a sure sign he’s thinking about something. A full body shiver comes over me at the thought that I could be the subject of his intense concentration. I turn away from him slightly, because if I don’t, there’s not a chance in hell of hiding my body’s response to him.
“If anyone deserves to be worshipped by a hot guy on his knees, it’s you,” Tina says seriously, placing her hand over mine. “Bonus points if his tongue is doing the worshipping.”
