Page 42 of Dare To Kiss You
There’s no denying I was, and still am, devastated his anxiety got the better of him last night. He tossed aside everything I thought we were building together so easily, ripping my already fragile confidence to shreds in the process. I thought for once I had fallen for a man who felt the same way. Who wanted me as much as I wanted him. I wasn’t ignoring the hurdles in front of us, or trying to diminish his fears as not important, but I truly believed he wanted to be with me.
Which is what made the words “just friends” hurt so damn much. No matter how much I try to tell myself it had to be his anxiety talking, it still hurts.
Because why did I try so hard to build him up, to be strong and brave for the both of us, only to have him tear us apart with two stupid words?
Why does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep falling for guys who are unable to give me what I so desperately want — the chance to love someone and be loved in return, openly, wholly, completely.
My eyes are blurry and dry as I roll out of bed after finally managing to get a couple hours of sleep. Somewhere around 3 am, I put down the textbook and climbed back into bed, the tears falling again as I hugged a pillow to my chest, breathing in the faint scent left from the last time Hunter was here with me.
As I stagger into the kitchen in search of coffee, I look around my house. I thought I had cried all of the tears I had inside of me, but a fresh one tracks down my cheek when my eyes catch on the boxes I pulled out of storage yesterday morning.
Hunter and I were meant to be waking up in my bed after a fun night out. I assumed we would finally get to spend an entire night together. We had talked about going out to the Martin family farm to get a tree, and then decorating my house for Christmas.
Instead, I’m alone, and the boxes of decorations in the corner are silent reminders of that. All the understanding and compassion I tried to find between the pages of a book last night doesn’t come anywhere close to erasing the sharp pain I felt when he stepped away from me, away from us.
But the longer I stare at those boxes, the more something else starts to creep over me. A sense of determination, but a peaceful determination.
Hunter needs to understand how badly his actions last night hurt me. But he also needs to know he can lean on me, trust me to be there with him when he stumbles. I’m not giving up on Hunter, or on us. I need some time, but I will do everything I can to make him see. Because I truly believe we’re better together. And the power of our connection can help him face his fears and worries.
I know it.
The first step is dealing with my brothers. I finish making my coffee and make my way to the couch. Once I’m bundled up under a blanket, I pick up my phone and type out a message that hopefully gets the point across to those boneheads.
KAT: Listen up you jerks. If ANY OF YOU dares interfere or say a damn thing about the man I’m dating ever again, there will be hell to pay. I’m an adult. Fully capable of making my own decisions. So unless there is concern for my immediate safety, back the hell off.
MAX: Are you okay, Kat?
SAWYER: WTF little sis. You can’t show up out of the blue with some dude’s hands all over your ass and not expect us to react.
BECKETT: Speak for yourself, Sawyer. I think she can. Besides, Hunter isn’t just some dude. We know him.
KAT: And that’s why Beckett is my favourite brother. Yes Max, I’m fine. Hurt, yes. But not just by what Hunter said. When I’m ready to talk to you idiots again, we’ll be having words about this decree Sawyer gave apparently every guy in Dogwood Cove. But for now, if you guys know what’s good for you, you’ll leave me alone for a few days.
SAWYER: Not every guy. Just the first responders.
MAX: And the entire football team back in high school. Sorry Kat, we’ll give you some space. But you know we love you, right?
KAT: I know. But I’m really really mad at you right now. Well, I’m mad at Sawyer. But all of you better back off.
A few seconds later, a reply comes in, not from one of the three brothers who were witness to my heartbreak last night, but from the one who’s stuck in another country playing hockey. I can’t help the small smile that flashes across my face at Jude’s message.
JUDE: What the fucking hell did you asshats do…
Group texts are a wonderful thing, and the ability tomutegroup text conversations is even better. I drop my phone back down on the couch beside me and snuggle under my blanket, turning on the TV. A cheesy holiday movie might be a weird choice given the heartache I’m dealing with, but at the same time, maybe a love story will give me some ideas on how Hunter and I can fix things.
That hope is dashed an hour later as I watch the heroine stand on the sidewalk as her love interest walks away from her. Even though I know how the movie will end, with everyone living happily ever after, my eyes start to fill. “Love sucks,” I murmur, dashing away the tears. It’s a bit ridiculous to be talking to a TV screen, but I can’t help it. The parallel between the story playing out on screen and what happened to me is uncanny.
A knock on my door is followed by the sound of a key in the lock. My gut reaction is to wish it were Hunter, but I know it’s not. It’s either my mom or Lily, and my money is on the latter, since she doesn’t understand the concept of space.
“Kat? Babe? I have alcohol and chocolate. Which do you need?”
“You didn’t get the message I needed some time?” I reply, sitting upright and wiping my sleeve across my face as my best friend storms into the living room.
“Nope.” She drops down onto the couch next to me and drags me into an awkward hug. “My best friend is hurting. You really think I could stay away?”
I adjust my body slightly and let her squeeze me tightly. “I’m alright, Lil. Really.”
She pushes me back and examines me critically. “Hmm. I don’t see how that’s possible but seeing as there’s no empty bottles of wine on the floor, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Do you want to talk about it?”
