Page 44 of Dare To Kiss You
Someone sighs. I think it’s Beckett, but maybe it’s Leo. He knew about my learning disability because he’s my boss, but I guess I kept the anxiety pretty well under wraps.
“When I first met your sister, I knew I didn’t have a chance of ever being good enough for her. But I couldn’t stay away.” I chance a look up at them, and the fact that even Sawyer is no longer looking like he wants to kill me is a shock. And gives me the motivation to continue. “She’s amazing. You all know that better than me. Yeah, she didn’t know about my anxiety, but she never treated me differently. She never made me feel stupid, or weak, or anything. Over time, she became so important to me, even if she had no clue. I hid my feelings for her, kept things friendly and neighbourly while she had a boyfriend, but she would smile, talk to me, laugh with me, and just make me feel normal. When I finally got up the courage to take things further…”
I trail off. Because this is where it gets tricky.
“When we took things further, I was the one who was terrified of telling you.” I look Sawyer in the eyes. “I know how protective you are, and I knew I wouldn’t measure up to your impossible standards. No one ever could. But even that wouldn’t have stopped me from falling for her once she let me in her heart.”
“So, you lied at the galabecause?” Beckett asks quietly. I turn to him, relieved he’s the one who asked the hardest question.
“Because I let my anxiety take over. Because I’m falling in love with Kat. No, fuck that, Iamin love with Kat. She knows about my anxiety, and she didn’t walk away from me; she stood beside me. And I’m ashamed to admit, I let her strength feed my insecurity instead of taming it.”
“Well, that was dumb,” Sawyer barks out. I wince at his choice of words, my gaze dropping down again. I don’t see who smacks him, but I hear a muffledthunkand his muttered “ow.”
“Yeah, it was,” I say, forcing strength into my voice. Kat deserves nothing less from me. If I can’t get through this without melting into an anxious puddle, what hope do I have of getting her to forgive me? I lift my head and fix my eyes on Sawyer. “It was dumb. But it happened and now I’m here, in front of all of you, trying to make it right. Because I want her back and proving to you that I deserve her is part of it. So how about you cut me a little bit of slack, Donnelly?”
“Finally,” Leo mutters, and I cut my gaze to him, confused. His lips turn up slightly. “I’ve been waiting for you to realize that what we need to hear from you, see from you, is that you’re man enough to stand up to these fuckers.” He gestures to his cousins. “Because your anxiety is only a part of who you are. It doesn’t make you weak. But not standing up for the woman you love would.”
“I resent being lumped in with my idiotic twin,” Beckett says mildly, “but Leo’s right. I don’t care that you have anxiety or a learning disability. I only care that you’re man enough to stand up for Kat, for what makes her happy. And that’s what you’re doing now.”
I blink slowly, unsure how this shift in the direction of our conversation happened. “How do you know I’m what makes her happy?” I ask hoarsely.
It’s Max who answers, “We don’t. Not really. But we’re not blind, Hunter. We’ve all seen the way you two have danced around each other for a long time. And we all saw how devastated she was the night of the gala. It’s not hard to put two and two together.”
“Speak for yourself. I had no idea they liked each other,” Sawyer grumbles, but he’s softening, I think.
“Then you’re the one who’s being dumb. Even when she was with the dickwad, it was clear she liked Hunter,” Max fires back. “So, I only have one question left.”
I sit up straight. “I’ll answer anything except questions about my relationship with Kat. That’s between her and me.”
Max’s eyebrows raise, but in respect, not criticism. “Good response. But that wasn’t what I was going to ask. I have zero desire to hear about my sister’s love life. All I want to know is, what are you going to do to fix this with her?”
Turns out, Kat’s brothers are good guys once you earn their trust and forgiveness. They had plenty of ideas on how to win her back, but in the end, I realized Kat doesn’t need grand gestures. She needs honesty, transparency, and vulnerability.
Which is why I’m standing on her doorstep, feeling steadier than I have in days. She might not forgive me, but at least I know I’m doing what’s right.
When she opens the door, it takes everything I have not to pull her into my arms. God, she’s beautiful, even with the dark circles under her eyes and her messy hair. Knowing I’m the cause of her hurting and not sleeping stabs me in the heart and strengthens my resolve to fix this.
“Hey, Kitty Kat,” I say softly. “Can we talk?”
She nods, still not saying a word. Her silence is killing me, but I take the chance she gives me, following her into her house. When I see the mirror in her front hall, and I remember the things we did in front of it, my heart fills with love. Yeah,love.If things go well, I’m gonna tell her that.
Kat leans against the back of her couch, clutching her hands in front of her. Respecting her need for some space between us, I rest my shoulders against the wall opposite from her.
“I talked to your brothers this morning,” I start, shoving my hands in my pockets. Facing them down was hard, but this is harder. “I apologized for lying and explained things to them. But not everything. Because they’re not the ones who deserve to hear it, you are.”
Audrey and I practiced this. Telling Kat about Becky, the bullies in school, nearly flunking out, and how all of that destroyed my self-esteem. How it all made me hide behind my armour of humour and charm.
“You’re right, I do deserve that. I deserve the truth,” she says, and I can hear the tremble in her voice. There’s pain brimming underneath the surface, and I’ve never wanted to take away someone’s hurt as badly as I do right now. But another thing Audrey said to me was that I had to give Kat the space to share her own feelings, not just share mine. Even if her feelings end up causing me more pain. So that’s why, although it’s killing me to stand here, silent, and not rush to apologize and beg for forgiveness, I don’t.
“You hurt me, Hunter. Really, really hurt me. It took a lot of courage for me to put my heart out there again after Tyson cheated on me. And every time you held back, every time you hesitated on telling people about us, it felt as if you weren’t as invested in our relationship as I was. But I kept ignoring my fears. I kept convincing myself you were in the same place as I was when it came to us. But what you did the other night? That destroyed me. It ruined my trust, not only in you, but in myself. Because how could I have been so wrong again?”
“You weren’t wrong,” I interrupt. “Babe, you weren’t wrong. I am in this with you, fully, completely. I swear to God. Your heart isn’t the only one on the line, mine is, too. I am so invested in us. That’s part of why I freaked out so badly. Because losing you felt like the worst possible thing that could happen to me.” I rake my hands through my hair. “I am so fucking sorry for hurting you, Kitty Kat. Please, can I try to explain what happened?”
She inclines her head toward me. Her posture is still stiff, defensive; I know I’ve got an uphill battle ahead of me. And it starts with honesty.
“In high school — before I knew the reason why I felt like I couldn’t breathe before tests, like the walls were caving in, that I had an undiagnosed learning disability and out-of-control anxiety — there was a girl.”
Kat’s eyes flutter closed. When she opens them, the hurt that was there only a second ago is replaced with compassion. Her entire body softens, and I take it as a gesture for me to continue, so I do.
