Page 54 of Work and Play
I must take too long to confirm that because my mom hits the nail on the head, first try.
“You became close, and now you are not?”
“Something like that,” I say evasively. I may be close to my mom, but the last thing I want to do is tell her how heartbroken I am. Even I have my limits.
“Well, even though you are not telling me everything…” She pauses, and I chuckle. Damn, she’s good. “I sense that she is important to you if she has you this upset. So, can you fix what went wrong?”
“No. Because I didn’t do anything wrong.” My hands come up to my head, and I pull off my baseball cap. Damn thing makes me think of her anyway, and how her eyes would glow when she’d see me wearing it backwards.
“Mon cher. I adore you, you know this. But you are not without faults. Please remember that there are always two sides to everything. Have an open heart and an open mind. Is that not what your father and I have always taught you.”
“I know, Mom. I know.”
“Okay. I will let you go, I can tell you do not want to talk to your mother right now. Je t’aime, Finn. You are a good man. Trust your heart.”
I let out a long sigh, letting her love soothe at least a part of my pain. “Thanks, Mom. I love you, too.”
I hang up and go inside my house. It’s just as empty feeling as it was this morning before I left. Back when I just thought Ashley was avoiding me because she was busy with her dad. Man, I would give anything to go back to that, instead of this painful new awareness I have.
It’s late afternoon, still light enough out, so I change into some running clothes and lace up my shoes. I need to get rid of this energy coursing through me. Setting my music to play something that will force me into a punishing pace, I take off, making my way to some of the back roads of Dogwood Cove that weave through fields and some of the small farms. Of course, the road I’m on also goes past the Airbnb that Ashley and I stayed in. I keep my head down and sprint past.
While I run, as much as I want to ignore the voice in my head, I can’t. My mom’s question keeps running on repeat. Can I fix what went wrong…my immediate reaction is the same as what I said to Mom. No, of course I can’t, because I didn’t do anything. I’m not the one having lunch with another woman.
But then I let myself think, really think, about what Mom said next. There are always two sides. Did I have a role to play? I was an idiot for not talking to Ashley about how I felt, and for not asking her about her plans. Is that what drove her to ignore me, and literally into the arms of another man?
There’s a small part of me that refuses to believe that what I saw is what I’m making it out to be. That isn’t the woman I fell in love with. If I hadn’t seen it myself, if someone else was trying to tell me they saw Ashley with another man, I would probably laugh at them, and tell them it was nothing. So why can’t I believe that now?
Why did I turn and run, instead of facing her and asking her to explain?
It was that fucking hug.
She told me she doesn’t hug people unless it’s a super important occasion or someone really important to her. Hearing that felt so damn good. To know I was different, special. She liked being affectionate with me.
Which is why witnessing her so easily hugging another man was a lethal shot to my heart. I slow to a jog and then stop, panting for breath, and drop my hands to the tops of my knees. Fuck, I’m messed up. Completely destroyed. And my mom is right. I am just as much to blame as Ashley because I never talked to her.
About anything.
I let my stress and fear over my job, Pierre’s reaction, and what happened back in Napa get the better of me, and I fucking screwed up. I should have told her I wanted her in my life, wanted her as my girlfriend, wanted a life with her.
It’s a little ironic how I was so scared of losing Ashley that I never saw the truth. I didn’t have her to begin with.
After my run, I went home, showered, and opened a bottle of La Lune Rouge Merlot, polishing off the entire bottle. At least when I decide to drink away my sorrow, I do it with something good.
This morning I’m hurting, but not too badly. I’ve got a healthy tolerance for wine, an occupational hazard. I dress for work without caring about my appearance. I’m spending the day in the blending lab, still trying to perfect that damn Meritage. Hoodie, jeans, baseball cap. Done.
Against my better judgment, I swing into The Nutty Muffin for breakfast, and finally, I catch a break. Mila doesn’t see me, so I manage to get in and out, coffee and pastry in hand, with nothing more than some small talk with Sebastian, who’s manning the cash register.
At the winery, I steer clear of the tasting room. Pierre’s car isn’t here yet, but I know he’s due in today. I don’t have any desire to face him and explain how everything went to shit yesterday. I head straight to the barn, and march down the long space to the back where my blending lab is, and dive headfirst into work, not stopping for several hours until my phone rings. When I see it’s Mila, I debate ignoring her, but there’s no point. Everyone is going to find out eventually, might as well be now.
“Hi,” I say gruffly.
“Finn? Sorry I missed you at the bakery this morning, I didn’t know you stopped by. Hey, Seb said you were heading to the winery, are you still there?” She sounds way too bubbly for me.
“Yeah, where else would I be?” I bark out.
“Geez, now I see why Ashley said you were scowly,” she teases and I wince at hearing her name.
“What do you need?
