Page 48 of Work and Play
“Don’t let her go, Finn.” Mila’s not normally the serious one of our group, so her somber tone hits differently.
“I don’t want to,” I reply honestly.
“Then put away your insecurities and talk to her.”
If only it were that simple.
By this point I think Ashley and I are the masters of awkward silences. It seems to be a running theme between us, and it’s one I’m really getting sick of. How can two people have such amazing chemistry and connection most of the time, but as soon as something gets in between us, we revert to virtual strangers?
At the Airbnb, Ashley gives me a smile when I open her door and help her out of my car. She laces her fingers with mine and even leans her head on my shoulder, giving me some hope that maybe she’s just processing everything. Once we’re inside, we go through the motions of getting ready for bed. We still haven’t spoken, but it feels slightly more normal now, less tense.
When we’re settled in bed, I open my arms and beckon Ashley over. Thank God she snuggles right in, resting her cheek on my bare chest. I’d love nothing more than to strip her naked, bury myself in her, and ignore the last hour or so of tension, but I know I can’t neglect things any longer.
“I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about my house sooner.” I press a kiss to the top of her head. She likes that I’ve found that gesture always makes her nuzzle in closer. Tonight is no different, as she turns to kiss my chest in return.
“It’s fine, Finn, really. It’s not normal for couples to live together right from the beginning.”
Part of me wants to latch onto the fact that she called us as couple, but I can’t entirely rely on that one word for the answers I need. Besides, she might be saying the right words to try and reassure me, but there’s something missing in her voice. Something that makes me doubt what she says is truly how she feels.
“We can have quite a bit of fun with the big shower at my place, and I can cook us dinner.”
“Mmhmm.” Ashley yawns delicately. “Hey, I’m really tired. Do you mind if we talk more tomorrow?”
My stomach drops.
“Yeah, of course. Goodnight, sweet girl.” I tip her chin up to kiss her lips and press her mouth with a desperation I’m not used to feeling. Her hand comes up to caress my cheek, and the familiar expression of dazed pleasure I’m so used to seeing on her beautiful face when we kiss is there, reassuring me slightly.
But it’s not enough to stop me from lying awake long after Ashley’s breathing settles into the slow pattern of sleep, worrying that I’m about to lose the best thing that ever happened to me.
Chapter twenty-four
Ashley
Finn moved back to his house five days ago, and I’m still not used to having the Airbnb to myself. Even though we’ve spent almost every night together at his place, I still come back here to shower and get dressed each morning before heading to the winery.
It’s weird.
It’s weird that he didn’t tell me his house was ready, it’s weird that he just packed up and moved out Sunday morning while I was meeting the girls for breakfast at The Nutty Muffin, and it’s weird that he hasn’t asked me to stay with him.
Okay, maybe that last one shouldn’t be weird since we’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and we haven’t even had a conversation about where our relationship is going long-term, or what our relationship even is, but still…it feels weird. There’s a nasty voice in my head that keeps whispering to me that I was a convenient body when Finn was at the Airbnb, but that the little bubble of domestic bliss we had there couldn’t possibly translate to the real world, given how little we actually know each other. But my heart doesn’t want to listen to that voice. My heart misses having him down the hall, hearing him get ready in the morning, and driving to work together.
Trusting Finn, trusting what we have, and its capacity to be something real is hard. I could easily blame my ex for cheating on me and destroying my trust in men, but that’s not it. I do believe that Finn wouldn’t hurt me intentionally, and I do trust that our chemistry and attraction is mutual. Where things get less black and white is when I remember how he treated me when we first met. Can his feelings really change so dramatically in such a short time? He was a jerk to me in the beginning. No, he was an asshole to me. So anytime I think about talking to him about our future, I freeze. Because when something seems too good to be true, it often is. Just look at any fad diet, reality TV show, or wrinkle cream commercial.
Apparently, the cynical side of me that I thought was fading away, courtesy of Dogwood Cove’s unique charm, is back in full force.
FINN: Hey sweet girl, just checking you’re still coming over later tonight?
Despite my misgivings, seeing his name pop up on my phone brings a smile to my face. I put down my hair brush and pick up my phone to type out an answer.
ASHLEY: Yup. Should I pick up some box wine from the store?
FINN: BLASPHEMY! How dare you utter those words in my presence
ASHLEY: LOL okay, so Barefoot Moscato it is.
I laugh out loud as I type. This, the easy banter between us, this is why I’m so conflicted. I’ve never felt such a connection with someone, even if it is accompanied by more uncertainty and doubt than I’ve ever had as well.
FINN: …
