Page 53 of Rumours and Romance
If looks could kill, I would be a smouldering pile of ash right now.
“Because her car with hand controls is in the shop. She was stuck at home and didn’t want to wait for Dean, she wanted to surprise him with the results. Not that any of that should matter. I’m allowed to do favours for my friends without worrying about you freaking out and misunderstanding things.”
Shit. How the hell do I fix this? “I didn’t even consider that it could be for them. Please forgive me, I messed up.” The words fall flat coming out of my mouth. An apology is nowhere near enough and I know it, but my fucked up, hungover head can’t think of anything to say or do right now that could make it better.
Mila puts her hand up as I step toward her. Her face is flaming red, and her eyes are filling with tears. “Stop. You don’t get to come near me right now. I can’t believe you would just jump to the conclusion that I would trick you like that, instead of just asking me what was going on. Don’t you trust me?” Her voice breaks on those last words. “You need to leave, Jackson.”
“Mila, no, please let me stay. Let me apologize, we can talk about this,” I plead, my hand still reaching out for her. I stand there, panic rising as I see the tears start to fall and she backs away from me.
“No. I can’t right now, I’m too angry at you. It’s my turn. I’m done.”
She turns and flees inside of her house, and I hear the sound of the deadbolt locking her away from me.
That sound slams into me as the weight of my fuck up hits me and I sink to my knees right there in her front yard. For a second I debate pounding on the door and begging her to let me in, but I think better of it. She’s mad, and she has every right to be mad. So instead, I stand up and stagger to my car, turning it on and driving away with barely any regard for where I’m headed.
Somehow, I end up at an empty beach, an hour or so outside of town. I sit down in the sand and stare at the waves, thinking about the last twenty-four hours and how everything went so wrong.
Mila’s right, I didn’t trust her. I thought I did, but I obviously didn’t. Stefani’s actions fucked me up, I knew that. Just like I knew I shouldn’t have let myself fall for someone again so quickly. It’s only been seven months, or is it eight? Either way, it clearly wasn’t long enough for me to realize just how screwed up I am.
Then again, maybe no amount of time would have ever been enough. I know I overreacted to seeing Mila with the pregnancy tests. I know I should have given her the courtesy, the basic respect, to let her explain things before I freaked out. Would a few more months have allowed me to be capable of that?
The thing is, I do trust her, completely. I hate that it took losing her for me to realize, but it did. Something lifted off me in that moment when I discovered my mistake. The invisible chains around my heart that I didn’t even know existed fell away, and I now know that she is it for me. I know I will never find another woman more perfect for me, more in tune with who I am and what I want out of life. She makes me happy, she makes me want to be the best person I can be, and she does it all without expecting me to change who I am.
Despite all that, despite knowing that this is all my fault, a new and painful thought comes to me. She was so quick to slam the door on me, to ignore my admittedly feeble attempt at an apology. Did what we have mean so little to her that she would toss it away after one mistake?
Chapter 23
Mila
I can’t breathe. My lungs refuse to inhale and give me air. Eventually, survival instinct kicks in and I gasp in a breath and fight back a sob.
The accusation he just hurled at me is one thing, but for him to not even give me the damn courtesy to explain before he freaked out? No way. Not okay. How on earth could Jackson believe I would do that to him? What have I ever done to make him think for one second that he couldn’t trust me? My heart hurts so deeply to realize that everything we have shared over the last few months was apparently for nothing.
After I slam and lock the door on his face, I pace around my house, steaming with emotion. Milo whines and tries to follow me until I put him on his bed and tell him to stay. He goes, but whines softly, his big soulful eyes following me.
Eventually I sink down on my couch and Milo jumps up beside me, curling into me and resting his head on my lap.
“You’ll never hurt me, will you buddy?”
His tongue darts out and he licks my hand, and the tears start to fall once again. This is what I get for letting myself believe I could have it all. Apparently, I was asking for too much — to have a man who would respect me, trust me, and love me the way I deserve to be loved.
The ringing of my phone breaks through the sound of my sobs. When I look at the screen and see that it’s Riley, I take several deep breaths to get control of myself.
“Hey, Riley. I hope you have good news?” Dammit. I sound stuffy from all of my tears. Hopefully she doesn’t notice.
“Oh my God, Mila, I’m pregnant!”
Her obvious excitement makes me smile despite my own pain. “That is so awesome. You were right!”
Riley giggles into the phone. “I know, so crazy! I was worried I wouldn’t be able to notice any differences in the beginning but man, the boob tenderness is wild!”
I laugh lightly, my happiness for her news temporarily distracting me from my heartache. “I’m so excited for you and Dean.”
“Thank you so much for picking up the tests yesterday. I don’t think I would have been patient enough to wait another day, and the look on Dean’s face when he came home and saw the positive test on the counter was priceless.”
“Mmhmm.” I feel my tears starting up at her mention of the tests. God, this hurts.
“Mila? What’s wrong?”
