Page 31 of Rumours and Romance
“Oh. Right, ah, yeah he’s fine now. Just got some news that upset him. I’m actually on my way to find him right now.”
Riley looks up from Milo and touches my arm. “Is everything okay between you two?”
I jump up. “Yup, fine. Just gonna grab some cookies and go to meet him. See you later.” I hurry over to the counter and load up a bag with some cookies. When I turn to head out again, Riley is parked in front of me with her arms crossed.
“Out with it, Monroe.”
Fuck. I should have known my lies would catch up to me eventually. Honestly? I need to talk to someone. Tell the truth, and ask if I’m going insane or not. Riley doesn’t know it, but she just volunteered.
“Okay, but not here. Follow me.” I lead Riley through the kitchen and out the back door. When I’ve made sure we’re alone, I start to pace. The pent-up energy from keeping everything a secret, and from not knowing what’s wrong with Jackson has built to the point of exploding.
“Jackson and I aren’t really dating. We’re fake dating. We need everyone to think it’s real, but it isn’t. But I think I like him. Really like him, not fake like him. I can’t do anything about it, though, and he’s pulling away, and I don’t know why, and I’m pretty sure I’m nuts. Oh, and no one knows except you, so please don’t tell anyone.”
Riley stares at me, openmouthed, for several seconds. “Umm, wow. That’s…definitely not what I was expecting. Okay. There’s a lot to unpack here.” She turns her wheelchair from side to side absently. “So the whole relationship is pretend.”
I give her a weary nod and sink down into the folding chair that we keep out here for breaks. “Yeah. He needed to convince Doctor Morton that he was committed to staying here, and I needed to get my family and friends off my back about working too much.”
“Huh, okay. I mean, I guess it makes sense, but damn girl. What a mess.”
My head falls back against the cement wall with a thunk. “Tell me about it.”
The door to the kitchen opens, and Kelly pokes her head outside. “Sorry to interrupt, but Riley, Dean is looking for you.”
I stand up. “I should go and find Jackson anyway.”
Riley wheels toward the door, stops, and turns to face me. “Be careful, Mila. This seems like you’re setting yourself up for nothing but trouble.”
“Trust me, I know. But I don’t have a choice now.”
She eyes me thoughtfully. “You could always tell the truth. To Jackson, and to everyone else.”
I shake my head vehemently. “No. Can’t do that.”
Riley shrugs, and wheels through the bakery, back to her loving husband. I watch her go, and an unfamiliar feeling of envy weaves through me. I want that. I shake my head quickly. No time to dwell on that kind of fantasy; I’ve got a pretend boyfriend to find and grill.
I speed the entire way through town to the public beach. Sure enough, Jackson’s car is parked up at the far end, away from the crowded area by the playground. I park next to him, grab Milo and the bag of cookies, and head down to the water. I see him paddling far out from shore and decide to wait. He’s not getting away without talking to me.
I unclip Milo’s leash, and he instantly starts snuffling around until he finds a stick, which he drops at my feet expectantly. I take off my shoes and wander down to the water’s edge, and throw the stick out as far as I can, watching Milo swim out to get it. Keeping one eye on my dog, I glance over to Jackson. He’s turned toward me now, and there’s no way he hasn’t seen me. Slowly he paddles closer, until he’s near enough for Milo to realize it’s him. The dog drops the stick and instantly starts to swim closer to Jackson, and over the water I hear his laughter when Milo tries to climb up on the board. Whatever is wrong, it can’t be that bad if he can still laugh at my dog’s antics. Jackson drops down to his knees and helps Milo up. I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the giant mutt standing at the front of Jackson’s paddle board while he tries to get them both to shore. Eventually they reach me, Milo jumping off, almost upsetting Jackson into the water before going off in search for another stick.
“Hi,” I say, sliding my hands into the back pockets of my shorts to stop myself from reaching out to him.
“Hey, Mila,” he answers, so quietly I barely hear him. He picks up his board and walks out of the water, with a brief backward glance to make sure I follow. We reach a log where I see his towel and bag. He pulls out a T-shirt, and puts it on before sitting down on the log and looking up at me expectantly.
“You found me, so what’s up?”
“What’s up? Umm, how about, where did you go this week?” I instantly want to take back the words as soon as I say them, hating how needy and clingy they sound. “I just meant it was weird to not see you, and I didn’t know what to say when people were asking about you. If you want to cut back on our arrangement that’s fine, I just would like to know.”
“Sorry. I know I should have talked to you. I just...Fuck.” He drops his head down to his chest, his hands coming up to the back of his neck.
I want to go to him, sit beside him and wrap my arms around him. But something is nagging at me, telling me things are about to change. So I don’t. I stand there and wait for the axe to fall.
“I just think we should go back to friends and fake dating, that’s all.”
I nod slowly, trying to understand. “No more sex.”
“Exactly. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it.” For the first time, I see a glint of something in his eyes, but it’s gone in a flash. “But I worry that sex will lead to feelings, and things will get messy between us. And we both don’t want messy.”
“Right. Messy would be bad.” I chew on the inside of my cheek, trying to figure out how to ask what I need to ask. “So can I just ask, why the change? I thought things were just fine.” That’s not true. They weren’t fine, because every time we came together, I fell for him a little more. He’s right, it did get messy. But stopping now won’t fix that.
