Page 26 of Serenading Reagan
Paulie’s head reared back and he boomed out a laugh before walking to Reagan’s side, and offering his elbow for her to take. “Your wish is my command, m’lady. Let’s go mark up this beautiful skin with some ink.”
Chapter 12
If Chase had any doubts about whether or not he was falling in love with Reagan Grant before today, watching her charm Paulie and sit through her first tattoo erased them. She was so warm and kind to everyone. Her confiding in him about her dream of getting inked still astounded him, and when she had been in Paulie’s chair, telling him the inspiration behind her tattoo, he had been unable to resist kissing her, causing his friend to laugh over his tattoo gun.
After the tattoos were finished, Paulie had asked Reagan about her brownies. Chase had jumped in, raving about the flavors, telling his friend how amazing Reagan’s baking was. She had just stood there, watching him with a smile on her face. When Paulie had asked her if she would bake a hundred brownies for a party he was throwing, Chase had thought Reagan would be thrilled. He saw this as an incredible opportunity for her to dip her toes in the water of entrepreneurship and see how it would be selling her brownies. He was shocked when instead of excited, Reagan seemed incredibly nervous, even scared. She had asked Paulie if she could think about it for a day, and they had left the tattoo shop in silence. But part way into the drive to the restaurant Chase had picked for lunch, he couldn’t hold back any longer.
“Red, what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours? You don’t seem too excited by Paulie’s request for brownies, isn’t that what you’ve always wanted to do? Open a bakery?”
She turned to him with a small smile on her face. “Yeah, it is. I guess I’m just overwhelmed. Selling my brownies is just such a huge undertaking, what with food safety permits and all that.” She touched his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze before continuing. “But thank you for all of the kind things you told Paulie about my baking. I had no idea you loved brownies that much.”
They were stopped at a red light so Chase was able to turn to her and look her in the eyes when he said, “I will always say kind things about you, Reagan, and your brownies are delicious. If you really don’t want to bake for Paulie then don’t. But if you’re only scared to try because it’s going to be hard, then trust me when I say that’s not the right decision. Make your choices based on hope not on fear, babe.”
He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms and hold her but had to keep driving. Reagan seemed so deep in thought after what he said that he chose to keep quiet and let her process everything. He only hoped that she could see his words as encouraging, not critical.
Over dinner, Reagan seemed to go back to normal. No more was said about Paulie or the brownies, as they laughed and flirted their way through the meal. When the bill was paid and they were driving home, she finally told him what he’d been anxiously hoping to hear.
“I’ll call Paulie tomorrow and tell him I’ll do it. You’re right, Chase, this is the perfect opportunity to take my dream for a trial run. I’d be a fool not to do it.”
He reached over and squeezed her leg, wishing he could do so much more. “I’m proud of you, Reagan. Not a lot of people have the guts to go after what they want like you are.”
Before she could say anything in return, a ringing sound came from her purse. She glanced down at the phone then back at him apologetically.
“It’s my mom. Sorry, I need to answer in case it’s about Gammie.”
Chase gave her leg one more squeeze then returned his hand to the steering wheel and nodded his understanding. Listening to her side of the conversation was highly entertaining.
“Mom? Hi, is everything okay? Oh. Ummm yeah, I’m out with someone. Chase. Yes, that Chase. Oh my god, Mom, stop. No. Okay, fine. Fine! I’ll ask, hold on.”
Reagan pulled the phone away and turned to him, and even in the low light of the evening he could see the blush on her cheeks.
“My mom wants to know if you’ll come to our family dinner tomorrow night. I’m sorry. You can totally make up an excuse and I won’t be mad. Meeting the parents is a big deal and we haven’t been dating that long and—”
Chase cut her off before her nervous rambling could continue. “Red, I would love to come.” He leaned over slightly toward her phone and raised his voice before saying, “Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Grant. I’ll be there.”
“Chase! Oh good grief.” Reagan gently swatted at his arm before turning back to her phone, now with a smile on her face. “Hi, Mom, you heard that? Yeah, we’ll be there tomorrow. Okay, love you too. Bye.”
By the time she put the phone back in her purse, they had arrived at her apartment building. Chase could tell Reagan was still unsettled by the way she kept fidgeting with her hands. It killed him that she could still feel so nervous at times, as if she couldn’t quite let go of the fear that everything would fall apart any moment.
“Reagan, babe, look at me,” he said gently. When she turned to him, with wide eyes and nervously chewing on her lip, he leaned in and kissed her slowly and deeply. That seemed to calm her down better than any words. Still, he had to try and tell her she had nothing to worry about.
“I’m crazy about you, Red. We might have only been officially dating for just over a week, but I’ve been watching you, wanting you, for months. If this all feels fast to you, we can slow down. I just want you to know that for me, it isn’t too fast. If anything, it’s too slow. I want to meet your family; I want to be a part of your life; I want everything, babe.” He didn’t let her respond before he pressed in for another intoxicating kiss.I could write a song about her kisses… he thought to himself as her tongue softly found his and danced together. She eventually pulled back and lifted her hand to place it over his heart. He covered her hand with one of his own and waited to see what she would say.
“Chase, I… I don’t know what to say,” she began hesitantly.
Chase felt his stomach churn, as suddenly his greatest fear—that she didn’t feel as deeply for him as he did for her—came roaring to the surface.
“This does feel fast, and slow, and perfect, and a million other things.” Reagan puffed out her breath before continuing, “I’m not making sense. I, well, I care about you, Chase. So much sometimes it scares me. There is still a part of me that doesn’t fully believe you like me as much as you say you do. I know that isn’t fair, but it’s true. I want everything with you, Chase, I do, I just don’t know what I did to deserve it.” When she finished talking, her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were downcast.
It killed Chase that she didn’t see her own beauty, or realize she was worthy of nothing but the best in life. What the hell had happened to her that made this amazing woman believe so little of herself? Chase vowed he would make her believe his words, make her see herself the way he did, if it was the last thing he did.
Now he just had to figure out how.
* * *
Reagan’s heart had stopped and restarted so many times in the last few hours she wasn’t sure how it was still beating. Chase had said so many beautiful words, professed feelings that felt an awful lot like love, and yet she still had doubts. Reagan cursed her low self-esteem for making her feel as if she was unworthy, and for making her seem so weak. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to believe Chase, nor did she enjoy showing her vulnerability to him. There was just something about the man that made her want to be open and honest, to let him see her struggles. If he knew everything about her, and still wanted to be with her, maybe then she would believe it to be true. Even as that thought crossed her mind, Reagan inwardly winced. How cruel was that, to hold his feelings up to that expectation.
The truth of it was, Reagan knew she had very few excuses for her lack of self-confidence. Her mother and father had raised her with love and compassion, given her healthy amounts of praise and encouraged her growth. Yet, being the one heavier built member of an otherwise slender and athletic family had done the damage without anyone realizing it. Those hurtful comments from the dance teacher, combined with ridiculous societal norms, a handful of asshole ex-boyfriends and a cruel bully in high school had destroyed whatever positive self-image Reagan had ever held of herself.
