Page 28 of Serenading Reagan
CALLIE: You’re in luck, babe, I’ve got the day off and Jake has plans with Ryan. Everything okay?
REAGAN: Yeah, I’m probably just being silly. I need you to talk me off a ledge.
CALLIE: You got it. Meet you at the arboretum in two hours?
REAGAN: Perfect. Xoxo
Plans with Callie made, Reagan headed into the kitchen. The other perfect way for her to work through some stress and anxiety was to bake. Pecan pie was a family favorite and laying each nut in a pretty spiral pattern would certainly be mentally satisfying.
A while later, the pie was cooling, and Reagan was heading out the door to meet Callie. Thankfully, Hoyt Arboretum was a short drive away. When she arrived, she saw her friend was already there, two travel cups in hand. Callie handed one to her with a smile.
“London Fog, my friend? To lift the fog that you’re under?”
Reagan groaned at the awful joke. “Don’t quit your day job, Cal, you’re not a comedian.”
Callie just grinned in response, and the two friends began to walk. After a few moments of silence, Reagan knew she had to start the conversation.
“I think I’m falling in love with Chase, and I think he’s falling in love with me, and I can’t stop freaking out and thinking it can’t be real,” she blurted out in one breath.
Callie kept walking, but reached one hand out to wrap around Reagan’s waist. After a second, she calmly replied, “You, my friend, are an idiot. I love you so much, but in this moment, you are an idiot. Why on earth can’t it be real? Of course, he loves you, because you are A-MAZING, and the only person who doesn’t believe that is YOU.”
Reagan was silent. She and Callie had always had a very honest friendship. When Callie had struggled against her parents’ ridiculous criticisms and expectations, Reagan had called her out on it. Now, it was her turn.
“I know, I know. If anything is going to ruin this, it’s going to be me. Trust me, Cal, I wish I could just take a deep breath and let myself fall, but what if he walks away one day. What if he wakes up and realizes I’m not who he wants, and he leaves? I like him, Callie, more than anyone else I have ever been with. If he decided he didn’t want me anymore, I think it might destroy me.” Reagan’s voice broke on the last sentence as she realized that was the truth of it. Her hesitation had nothing to do with her self-esteem, and everything to do with a deep-rooted fear of him breaking her heart.
Callie laid her head on Reagan’s shoulder. “There it is, now we get the real story. Reags, love is a risk. If anyone knows that, it’s me. That risk is undeniable, but it’s also totally worth it. He might leave. He might not. You might leave. You might not. We can’t predict the future, but we can live for it. Right now, you are letting fear control you, in so many ways. Fear is why you’re still at that awful job, and fear is why you won’t go all in with Chase. Just, stop. Start living with hope not with fear.”
Reagan laughed softly. “You know, Chase said almost the exact same thing to me yesterday.”
“Well that’s because he’s just as brilliant as your amazing best friend.”
Reagan and Callie came to a bench in a secluded part of the park and sat down. Reagan was lost in thought as she processed everything Callie had said. Sure, the fear of heartbreak was real. But what about the fear of never knowing what could be? That wasn’t something she wanted to face either.
She was so consumed with everything running through her mind that Reagan didn’t think twice about removing her thin sweater. When Callie gasped in surprise, Reagan suddenly realized that the tank top she was wearing, showed off the beautiful tattoo Paulie had given her just yesterday.
“Reagan Grant! What is THAT?” Callie cried.
Reagan blushed, then peered over her shoulder to see the cluster of violets that wrapped around the whisk. Paulie had taken her ideas and turned them into something even better than she could have hoped for.
“Do you like it? I, ummm, got it yesterday. With Chase.”
“Holy crap, he took you for a tattoo? I had no idea you wanted one.” Callie’s voice was full of shock, and a thread of sadness. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you to get one, it’s beautiful.”
“I don’t know, I guess it was just something I always kept to myself.”
“But you told Chase? You let him take you?” Again, Callie’s voice was not quite judging, but there was an element of hurt. Suddenly Reagan understood her friend was jealous.
“Cal, I’m sorry. Honestly, it was kind of sudden. The first time we were together we got to talking about tattoos, I mentioned I had always wanted one, and then yesterday for our date he surprised me by taking me to see his artist.” Reagan paused, remembering the fun they had yesterday at the shop with Paulie.
“Wow, that’s, I mean geez, Reags, that’s quite a date, don’t you think?”
Reagan didn’t know why she felt defensive at Callie’s words, but she did. “Yeah, it was crazy, but also amazing. Chase challenges me. He pushes me outside my comfort zone in the best possible ways. I don’t know why I never told you about wanting a tattoo, I guess I never thought I would actually do it. But Chase, he, oh, Cal, he just seems to know what I need and helps me reach for it.”
Callie sat silent for a moment, sipping her coffee. When she answered, it was with a soft smile of understanding. “It really is beautiful, Reags. I guess I’m just surprised, that’s all. I didn’t think there was anything we didn’t share.”
Reagan suddenly understood. “We’re always going to be best friends, you know that, right? It’s just, different, you know? Now you’ve got Jake, I’m sure he sees a different side of you than I do. I guess it’s the same with Chase.”
Callie nodded slowly. Then she turned to Reagan and arched a brow before nudging her with her shoulder. “Sounds like you’re starting to believe this is serious between you guys, after all.”
