Page 137 of Night of Shadows
I do not say it out loud. I do not need to.
? ? ?
After dinner, after Nora has been put to bed in the small guest room with Brontos, after Sofia has been fed her last bottle and is asleep in the portable crib in Nico and Siobhan's room, after the dishes have been done by Stavros's absent direction (Eleni and Maeve at the sink, me drying, Cormac putting away because he’s the only one tall enough to reach the high cabinet), Nico comes out onto the dock with me.
It is 10:23 PM. The lake is dark. There is a moon, three-quarters, low. The boards under our feet are cool.
We stand at the end of the dock looking at the water.
Nico says, "Ten months ago this lake house was your hiding place."
I say, "I know."
"You do not hide anymore."
"I do not."
"Mama is happy."
"I know."
Pause. The water laps against the pilings under the dock. A loon calls from somewhere on the far shore.
Nico says, "You are going to be a husband. You are going to be a father on paper. You are going to be everything I was afraid you would never let yourself be."
I say, "Do not make me cry on a dock, Nico."
He laughs. He says, "I will not. But I want you to know I am proud of you. That is all."
I do not speak for a long moment. The loon calls again. Closer this time.
I say, "Thank you."
He nods. We watch the water.
After another long minute, I say, "How is the family business?”
Nico says, "Active. Sokolov is bigger than we thought. Dimitri has been working it for two weeks. He’s going to need help soon."
"I am here."
"I know. But the help he’s going to need is not your kind of help. He’s going to need someone who can play a long game. Someone who can be unreadable. That is not you. That is him."
"Dimitri."
"Dimitri."
Pause. The moon is on the water. The dock creaks under us in the way the lake house dock has creaked for fifteen years.
Nico says, "You should go up. Your fiancée is waiting for you."
I say, "My fiancée."
"Get used to it."
"I am working on it."
He puts a hand on my shoulder. He squeezes once. He walks back up the dock toward the cabin.
