Page 89 of Night of Shadows
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Lex tells me about the bedtime beat afterward.
I am in the kitchen in pajamas. He comes down the stairs and stands in the doorway of the kitchen and tells me, in his flat voice, that Nora asked him while he was reading her ‘Goodnight Moon’ whether the bad man was scared. And whether Lex made him scared. And whether the answer was yes.
"What did you tell her?" I ask.
"I told heryes."
"What did she say."
"She said ‘good.’"
I close my eyes for half a second. I open them.
"Lex."
"Yes."
"You answered her honestly."
"I made a promise to myself in the doorway of her bedroom while she was falling asleep. I am not going to lie to her. About what I am. Ever. She’s going to know what I am someday and she’s going to ask me harder questions than the one she asked tonight. I am going to answer them."
I cross the kitchen. I take his face in my hands. I kiss him. The kiss is brief. The kiss is the kiss of a woman who has justheard her husband make a vow she didn’t know she was waiting for him to make.
"Good," I say.
"Good."
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Later. The couch. Lex with his arm around me. The bandaged arm. The good one. He’s done a thing today and he’s processing it and he’s letting me sit with him while he processes it.
"How long until grand jury?" I say.
"Fifty days."
"Okay."
He’s quiet for a long minute.
Then he says, "Maeve."
"Yes."
"I want you to think about something between now and then."
"What."
"After grand jury. After this is done. I want to ask you something. I am not going to ask you now because I do not want you to answer because of what we just survived. I want you to answer because of what we want."
I look at him.
"So I am telling you," he says, "that it is coming. Think about it."
I have known what he’s going to ask since I climbed into his lap in the safe house with bandage scissors falling from my fingers. I am, in this room, the woman who has been waiting for him to tell me the question is coming, and now he has, and I amgoing to give him the answer he’s earned, which is the answer of a woman who is not going to make him wait fifty days.
But I do not give him the answer tonight.
