Page 60 of At the Highlander's Mercy
‘He had another chance and, once more, he did not choose you, Lilidh. He chose his clan and my gold instead of you,’ he explained. ‘He is still not worthy of you.’
Her stomach rolled then and she knew she was going to be sick. Whether the bairn or the facts she’d just learned, it mattered not the cause. Without a word, she raced from the solar and sought her chambers.
Lilidh discovered that her chambers were the worst place for her to seek relief from the pounding in her head or the piercing pain of her breaking heart. Something she’d not thought possible since that terrible day long ago—carrying Rob’s child—was now a reality and was now her responsibility to handle. To her shame, part of her would have taken Rob back this moment if he returned to her and asked. Another warring part made her spine stiffen and her chin tilt up and want to refuse him no matter her condition. But now, now there was a bairn to consider, another life—her child’s—to care for and that put this in a different light for her.
Walking to the battlements above her chambers, she stood, eyes closed, allowing the winds to buffet her along until she reached the corner. The fact that it was her parents’ favourite place to stand and watch the yard below was not missed by her and she waited for some idea, some plan, to strike her.
* * *
Hours later, her head was clear but her heart was no less heavy than before. But since Rob had had two months to come back to her, if he was going to do it,she had little choice but to look elsewhere for solutions to her dilemma.
And once more, her heart would bear the cost of giving her love to a man who wished it not.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Silence surrounded them for several minutes. Connor went and poured himself a large cup of whisky and, after offering it to her first, drank it down. He sat down on one of the benches there. She was so angry at him that she could not even look at him.
He’d always been overbearing and controlling and a hard man, a beast, but this was worse. This was...hateful. And Jocelyn just could not understand why. If he objected to Rob because he was baseborn, so be it. But he’d accepted Rob and brought him up as part of their household and never treated him as such. At this moment, though, she cared not. She was so angry that she wanted to...
‘Do you think she’ll ever tell me about the bairn?’ he asked in a low voice.
Somehow he knew. It should not surprise her, but it did. Was that what had brought him to the solar in the middle of the day?
‘I doubt it,’ she said, still not meeting his gaze.
‘Did you speak about what she can do about this?’She heard something creeping into his voice then—pain? Doubt?
‘Yes. I gave her several things to think about. The Murrays’ visit might be fortuitous for her.’
‘Jocelyn,’ he began in that tone that would tear out her heart. She shook her head and walked to the door.
‘I am so angry with you that I cannot speak about it now. I will see you at dinner.’
Jocelyn left him in the solar and went to find Lilidh.
The only thing that lightened her mood was knowing that she’d already sent her note on its way. If she was not as furious, she might have explained her reasons to her husband. But not now—she wasthatangry that she decided she would not tell him at all.
* * *
Connor sat back and watched Jocelyn leave. She was right—damn her!—too much of the time and this was another of those times. He’d thought about his actions those four years ago and realised he was wrong.
When the first rumours were reported to him, he’d had a long talk with Rob about Lilidh’s future and his own and how they would go along different paths. Mostly because her marriage would be used to make or strengthen political alliances and he would not rise to that level as the illegitimate son of the Matheson with others ahead of him to inherit and lead. But Connor understood the passions of youth and had hoped he impressed on Rob the boundaries of his behaviour.
Then more specific things were reported back to him—Rob’s lewd boasts to his friends about the way it was between him and Lilidh. The boundaries werebeing pushed and so Connor spoke to him again, talking about honour and loyalty and obedience. He’d even spoken to Lilidh about the same matters, but he knew she was attracted to the young handsome boy in their midst. Connor had recognised, as a father and a man, the glimmer of first love in her gaze and it had scared him.
So, when Rob came to him to ask his permission to speak to his father about a betrothal, Connor exploded with an insulting challenge to see if he would rise above himself and stand up for what he wanted, for who he wanted.
Instead, Rob did every outrageous thing he demanded in trying to pacify him into not starting war with his clan and to save himself from the humiliation of being disgraced as the cause of it. When Connor told him to make it look as though he was rejecting Lilidh, the boy did it.
Worse, the terrible mistake escalated and there was no way back from it. It caused a break in the long friendship Connor had had with Angus and left them both bitter and angry over it.
Now, four years later, there were even more repercussions from his stupid decision and actions.
Now, Rob still believed himself unworthy because of his actions. Connor just prayed the boy would see the truth before it was too late.
* * *
‘And what exactly do you think is going to happen?’ Dougal asked him as they walked up the steps to Rob’s chambers.
