Page 93 of The Mad Don
So I asked for air. To see if she was still in the building. To see if she’d come.
She came.
She pulls back, and I look at her mouth, and I can’t do anything about it, weak as I am, so I look. She catches it.
“Let’s get you back inside, okay?”
I nod. Christov turns the chair and wheels me in.
My body won’t work the way I want it to. I can’t get the words out even though they’re all there, lined up behind my teeth. So when she sits beside the bed and feeds me, I open my mouth and let her, and she wipes the corner of it with her thumb, and that’s its own kind of conversation.
Kirill comes in. He takes in the scene — me being fed, her hands on my face — and something moves at the corner of his mouth.
“The doctor needs next of kin to sign some forms,” he says. “Christov, go with her. I’ll keep an eye on him.”
“Oh — okay.” She stands. She leans down close to me. “I’ll be right back.”
She goes out with her brother.
Kirill drops into the chair beside the bed. He folds his arms.
“Tired of pretending yet?”
“I’m genuinely weak,” I say.
“Don’t make me hit a hospital patient.”
I let out a breath. “Fine. Maybe I’m pretending a little.” I push myself up against the pillows.
“The nurses told me you’ve been conscious and walking the halls at night for a while now,” Kirill says. “But the second either of them is in the room, you go limp and play dead. Why?”
I try to laugh. It hurts.
“Have some spine,” he says, sharper. “You dragged that woman through hell, so you could have your win over Fabiano, and now that it’s done, you’re still making her wait on you hand and foot? You’re an ass.”
I look at the ceiling.
“I’m afraid,” I say, “that the moment she knows I’m well, she’ll leave.”
“Didn’t you want her to leave?”
I did. I built the whole long game around getting her out. I was ready to die so she could be free of me. I meant every word of that letter.
Then the bomb went, and the only thought in my head, the only one, was getting my body between her and it. And somewhere in that half-second, I understood I’d been lying to myself in the letter. I don’t want her free of me. I can’t part with her. I’m not strong enough for the one noble thing I planned my whole death around.
“What about Lucia?” I ask because it’s easier than the other thing. “Why didn’t Yana fly out with her brother? Why is she here?”
“Is that a real question?” Kirill exhales. “Your sister is fine. She’s with my wife. Getting treated, getting stronger, walking better every week. Yana wanted to be here with you. Her brother wouldn’t leave her. Lucia wanted to come back too. Yana wouldn’t let her.”
I close my eyes.
“Why do I bother?” Kirill mutters. “Listen. I saved your life in exchange for your loyalty. Indefinitely. We’re allies now.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“I can stitch Fabiano’s body back together and have it haunt you.”
I lean toward him. “Pakhan. Aren’t we good friends?”
