Page 76 of Requiem
Thankfully, she’s keeping her distance from me.
“Do you need us to leave?” Micah asks quietly.
“We can go,” Emma adds.
Yes.
No.
Jesus Christ.
“I don’t have time to get better now,” I say, the words coming out rough as reality slams back into me. Alexei found us. His men are out there, watching us. Threatening the people I love. “Chain me to the chair. Now.”
Micah’s face twists. “What? Why?”
“I want to try this again,” I push out, even though my hands are already starting to shake. “I need to get over this shit.”
Because if I don’t, I’m going to be useless.Worsethan useless.A dangerous liability.
There’s a heavy pause before Emma speaks again. “You took a big step today, Jude. Alexei gave us a timeline. We can try again tomorrow.”
I exhale hard through my nose, trying to blow out the frustration, the pressure building inside me.
“You haven’t even been able to look at me again,” she says softly.
That stops me, because she’s right. I haven’t. I swallow, my throat tight. I wasbarelyable to control it. I felt it building, that snap, that violent edge I don’t understand anymore, like my body was about to choose something for me. Like I was about to hurt her.
And then I kissed her instead.
“It’s okay,” she says, and I hear her footsteps moving away.
Something in me reacts immediately, and before I can stop myself, I force my head up. To look at her. And the second I do—
It hits.
The chair. The restraints. The fucking wires and batons and fists. The way they used her her fuckingexistenceagainst me until my brain stopped separating her from pain. My body reacts even if I try to fight it. I flinch.
Her expression falters, just slightly, and it guts me in a way nothing else has. I want to apologize and tofixthis. I want everything back the way it was before I got turned into this—
But something is still wrong inside me.
Will I ever be normal again?
Will I ever be able to touch her without my body bracing for pain? Do I still love her the way I’m supposed to? Or is that broken now, too?
Emotion swells so fast it almost chokes me. It feels foreign and overwhelming and too fucking big after feeling nothing for so long. Hope. Fear. Both, tangled together in a painful knot inside me.
I turn away, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek just to keep it together. “Fuck…”
“I’ll be back soon,” Micah says quietly.
I nod, but I don’t trust my voice. The door opens, then closes, the lock sliding into place with a final, heavy click. And just like that, I’m alone again. Locked away from everyone else because I'm a goddamn wild animal that they're nervous around.
My legs give out, and I drop to the floor beside the bed, elbows braced on my knees, head hanging as everything inside me starts collapsing in on itself.
I want to protect them.
That thought comes through clearer than anything else. It’s stronger than any of the fear or confusion.
