Page 69 of Requiem
“You keep looking at me like that,” he snaps suddenly.
I don’t flinch. “Like what?”
He lets out a sharp, humorless breath, shaking his head as he turns away from me before I can fully catch his expression. “Like I’m still…me.” His voice cracks on the last word, frustration slicing through it. “I’m not, Emma.Fuck.”He drags a hand over his mouth, pacing again. “It’s not helpful, what you’re doing. You’re not getting me back, and you have to accept that.”
The words land exactly where he intends them to. They hurt. But I don’t let it show. He’s just angry and hurting.
“I can accept that,” I say quietly, even as my heart strains against my ribs. “But you also need to accept the fact that I love you.” I take a slow breath, grounding myself before I continue. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t give up on you. I won’tstoploving you, no matter who you are right now. Or who you think you’ve become. I’m changing, too.”
His shoulders tense at that, his back still to me. For a second, I think he’s going to shut down completely. Instead, he turns.
And the look on his face is worse.
“You saw the video,” he says, his voice rough, almost hoarse. “Youknowwhat I did.” His jaw tightens, darkness flickering behind his eyes. “That wasn’t a one-time thing.” A bitter, broken laugh slips out of him again. “I did that a fuckinglot.”
My chest twists painfully. “That wasn’t—”
“Itwasme,” he cuts in, louder now. “It wasmyhands. I fucking beat that man to death.” His voice fractures, but he keeps going anyway, like he needs to say it out loud or it’ll eat him alive. “I’ve shot people. I’ve stabbed people, and I don’t even know what they fucking did. And you know what?” He bares his teeth. “It feltgoodsometimes.”
The silence that follows is heavy enough that I can feel his pain.
“And it wasn’t your choice,” I say, firmer this time.
His entire body seems to loosen, his hands dragging hard through his hair. “Fuck,” he mutters, his voice dropping, cracking under the weight of it. He turns away from me again, pacing. “I can’t—”
He doesn’t finish it.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “Jude, it’s okay.”
His breathing stutters, but he doesn’t tell me to leave.
***
By the next day, he asks a question without prompting. It actually catches me off guard.
“What are they doing upstairs?” he asks, his eyes fixed somewhere near the floor.
“Adela and Nico?” I clarify gently.
He nods once.
I shift in the chair, folding one leg beneath me as I consider how much to say without overwhelming him. “They’re trying to break into Alexei’s system,” I explain. “Not just brute force it…they’re mapping it first. Every layer, every trigger. There’s a dead man’s switch built into it, so if they push the wrong thing…” I trail off, exhaling softly. “Everything gets released.”
His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t look up. “Of course there is.”
“They’ve been tracing how it’s structured,” I continue, a little more quietly now. “Rafe and Kieran have been helping identify patterns, and how Alexei might’ve built it based on how he operates.”
Jude lets out a quiet, humorless breath. “Good luck with that.”
“They’re making progress,” I say.
“They’d better,” he mutters, his voice rougher now. “He doesn’t like being ignored. He’ll make an example if he thinks he’s losing control of the situation.”
A flicker of unease twists in my stomach, but before I can respond, there’s a soft knock at the door. It opens a second later. Rafe steps inside, his presence immediately filling the space without him needing to say a word. Kieran lingers just behind him, quieter, watchful as always. He’s the calmer one between him and Nico, I've noticed.
“Everything alright in here?” Rafe asks, his gaze moving between us.
I let out a small breath. “Oh, perfect timing.”
