Page 31 of Requiem
Rafe stands closest to the monitors, arms crossed, completely still. He’s watching the screen in a way that tells me he’s likely seen this sort of thing before. Perhaps plenty of times. Micah leans against the wall a few feet away, jaw tight, eyes locked on his best friend. Heather is quietly observing beside me.
“The first week is the worst physically,” Rafe says, glancing at me over his shoulder. “Opioid withdrawal peaks around day three to five. Pain. Vomiting. Insomnia. Temperature swings. His body is trying to reset itself without the drug.”
As if on cue, Jude shifts on the screen, his hand dragging weakly across the mattress before curling into the sheets again.
My fingers twitch at my sides.
Rafe continues, “The meth is different, though. That’s psychological. Depression. Paranoia. Aggression. That part lasts longer.”
“Adriana mentioned that he already suffered meth withdrawal at Alexei’s,” Micah adds. “He didn’t do it when he was trapped with her because of its…physical effects. So I don’t think the meth is in his system anymore.”
My heart clenches. I know what that means. He didn’t want to feel aroused around her, because that’s what meth does. It can make people very sexual and make horrible decisions. Even while he was away from me…he neverreallyforgot me.
Rafe exhales quietly. “Suboxone would help ease his opioid withdrawal symptoms.”
“He won’t take it,” Micah mutters. “I keep trying. He’sinsane, because if someone offered me any kind of relief, I’d swallow it down immediately.”
“You would think,” Rafe says. “Either way, we can’t force it on him.”
My eyes snap to him. “We can try again.”
“If you push him too hard,” Rafe says evenly, finally turning toward me, “you reinforce the conditioning. He needs to choose for himself. You should know that, dear therapist.”
“I do.” I cross my arms, my mind spinning. “Okay. We have to recondition the response he has to me. Aside from the withdrawals,I’mhis biggest immediate threat, so to speak. Right now, I equal pain to him because of what Alexei did. Pavlovian techniques, it seems.”
Micah sighs into his fist. “How do you think we could rewire his mind about you?”
I exhale slowly, trying to steady my voice. “What Alexei did to him is pure conditioning. He took something good,” I wince. “Somethingsafe…and paired it with pain until Jude couldn’t tell the difference anymore.” My fingers curl at my sides. “So we don’t force it out of him. Wereplaceit. Slowly. We reintroduce the trigger without the punishment, without the fear…until his brain starts to understand that it’s not dangerous anymore.” I swallow. “It has to be consistent. Or we risk breaking him even more.”
Rafe nods slowly. “Counter-conditioning.”
I don’t look away from him. “Exactly.”
“It’s not a simple process,” he says.
“I am aware.”
“He will lash out.”
“I know.”
“He will say things to you that are meant to push you away.”
My chest tightens. I think of his voice.
I want you gone.
I swallow it down. “I don’t care.”
Micah lets out a quiet, frustrated breath. “You should.”
I finally look at him. “Do you want him back or not?”
That hits him hard as his muscles lock. “Of course I do,” he mutters.
“Then let me do this.”
“We’ll likely have to alternate Emma, Micah, and, as much as you hate it, Adriana,” Rafe suggests. “She was all he knew for a while. They’ve bonded through this trauma.”
