Page 75 of Requiem
But it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except this. The feel of his messy black hair as my fingers finally dare to thread through it. The scent of hisskin. The way his body molds against mine, leaving no space for doubt or fear. How everything wewereis still here, buried under everything that’s been done to him, fighting its way back to the surface with every shared breath—
And then he rips himself away. His hand drops from my face as he stumbles back a step, then another, chest rising and falling hard as he drags in uneven breaths. His gaze refuses to meet mine now, locked somewhere near the floor like he’s afraid of what happens if he looks at me again. His lips are parted, swollen from our kiss, and he looks utterly wrecked.
I’m left against the wall, my own breathing unsteady as the moment crashes over me all at once. My lips feel tender,alive. My entire body is vibrating with the echo of his touch.
He just kissed me. After everything…
Hekissedme.
Jude’s entire body is tense with restraint. The tattoos on his forearms seem to stand out more against his flushed skin. When he finally speaks, his voice is rough. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
My mind reels as I stare back at him.
“No, no,” he whispers, turning away from me, running his hands through his hair in a frantic, helpless motion.
“Jude,” I whisper, my fingers coming to rest on my lips, still feeling the phantom pressure of his mouth. “You…” I trail off. Words are abandoning me completely. All I have is the pounding of my heart and the ache in my throat.
When I glance back at Micah, his eyes are wide, his expression a mixture of shock and…pity? Concern?
“Are you okay?” he asks quietly.
My eyes dart back to Jude, now the farthest he can get from me in the small room, his back nearly touching the opposite wall. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I steady myself, easing away from the wall, my legs feeling unsteady. “Jude?”
He doesn’t answer. He’s clenching his jaw so tight it looks like it could snap. His shoulders are hunched, his posture defensive, like he’s guarding himself from an attack. Fromme.
I should leave. Give him space. Let him process whatever explosion just happened inside him.
But I can’t.
Chapter twenty
JUDE GRAVES
I can’t believe I kissed her. My entire body is vibrating with the need to do it again, but I’m nervous to even look directly at her. I didn’t hurt her. Thank fuck. But I can’t ignore the fact that I want to do it again.
And that’s the problem. Because I don’t trust myself.
She’s saying my name, but I can’t hear her properly. Everything sounds muffled. My ears are ringing, and all I can focus on is the taste of her still lingering on my tongue, the memory of her soft lips against mine replaying in flashes I can’t shut off.
My body reacts even if my mind is fighting. Itremembersher. Even now.
There’s a tight, restless energy twisting inside me that’s sharp and confusing and too much all at once. It doesn’t match the panic in my head, doesn’t match the fear clawing at my ribs. It justexists,like some part of me refuses to forget what she is to me.
I drag a hand down my face, trying to ground myself, trying to pull everything back under control. When I finally force myself to look up,it’s not at her. It’s at Micah. And just like that, memories start pushing through.
Us, years ago. Crashing on the same shitty mattress. Sharing everything because we had nothing else. Withdrawal nights where we’d barely sleep, just lie there sweating and shaking. Or making sure the other one didn’t stop breathing when we took too much. Shows. Chaos. Nights where I’d return with blood staining my hands and exhaustion in my eyes.
And he stayed anyway.
“Micah,” I croak, holding his blue gaze.
His throat bobs, seemingly catching onto the energy I’ve latched onto. I know he’s trying to figure out where I am right now and whether I’m about to disappear again.
Don’t lose this. Don’tfuckinglose this. And her.
Fuck.
I want to look at Emma. I do. But I’m scared of what happens if I do it again. Scared that whatever just happened won’t stop next time. That maybe I’ll hurt her instead. I almost did, and it took everything in me not to fucking choke her. Why? Why the fuck is it so hard?
