Page 175 of Requiem
Maybe they realize I need help holding it.
Behind me, Micah looks emotionally wrecked now, sweat dampening his hair while tears shine visibly beneath the stage lights, but he keeps playing. He glances toward me briefly, his jaw tight, and I know exactly what he’s thinking because I’m thinking it too.
Against every horrible possibility, against addiction and violence and abuse and everything that tried to destroy us before we ever fully became ourselves, we somehow made it here. We never died in that hotel room years ago when we tried to together.
Fuck, friend. We made it.
When the final chorus swells across the venue, the audience sings so loudly that the sound nearly overtakes the instruments themselves, thousands upon thousands of voices carrying the melody outward across the coastline while phone lights sway beneath the night sky like stars in motion.
And standing there surrounded by all that grief and love and humanity, I finally understand something therapy has been trying to teach me for months now. People survive because of each other. Sometimes love is the only thing standing between someone and the edge.
The final notes fade slowly while the crowd erupts around us in applause and tears and screams. But even through all of it, my chest still feels tight because I know what comes next.
Echos wipes quickly beneath one eye before laughing softly at herself, while Kami exhales shakily beside her. I step toward the microphone again, and I can feel every heartbeat vibrating through my ribs. I stare out at the lights, and suddenly this next song terrifies me more than anything else tonight. Because“Falling Star”belongs to all of us. It’s my story. It’sours.
I grip the microphone tighter, forcing air slowly into my lungs while my gaze drifts instinctively toward the front row.
“They found us young with open hands
Full of hope and borrowed plans
Said, ‘We’ll make you everything’
Then took more than we could stand…”
The crowd quiets immediately, listening. The giant screens surrounding the stage glow softly with drifting visuals of collapsing stars and gold light bleeding through the cosmos.
“Turned our names into something clean
Smoothed us down to fit the screen
Taught us how to smile on cue
While they pulled apart the seams…”
My voice roughens slightly around the last line because suddenly I’m remembering too much at once. Bright camera flashes, hotel mirrors, bathroom sinks stained with blood and cocaine and exhaustion. Nolan’s cold smile. Alexei’s cruel voice.
“Every dream came with a cost
Every light could be a lie…”
My voice nearly disappears before the next line.
“We’re falling stars, don’t look away
We burn the brightest on the way…”
Echos harmonizes beautifully beside me, her voice weaving around mine like something heavenly and haunted all at once. It feels less like backup vocals and more like grief itself reverberating through the song.
“They call it losing everything
But we’re still lighting up the sky…”
The lyric catches painfully in my throat because all I can think about is Adriana sitting on the couch beside me in captivity, with shaking hands and exhausted eyes. Thinking about her now nearly crushes something inside me. Because beneath all the cruelty, damage, and manipulation, she’d once just been a fifteen year old girl with dreams big enough to destroy her.
A falling star.
Gone before she ever truly got to live.
