Page 154 of Requiem
“I’m sorry,” she whispers shakily.
“For missing your dog?”
A weak laugh leaves her. But even holding her like this feels different now. It’s like we’re both standing inside the wreckage of ourselves, trying to remember what intimacy used to feel like before survival hollowed parts of us out. We haven’t touched each other that way since before Alexei’s event. Not because I don’t want her. Fuck, I want her constantly. But she’s still healing, sore, and still waking from nightmares.
And me?
Sometimes I still smell Alexei’s basement. Or feel hands that aren’t there. Honestly, if Emma told me never to touch her again, I would listen. I’d walk away if that’s what she needed to heal. Days, weeks, months…years. Or even forever.
The thought alone fuckingkillsme, but I would do it anyway. Because I can’t survive becoming another source of pain for her.
Emma eventually quiets against my chest, breathing evenly while my hand continues moving through her hair. I stare up at the dark ceiling long after she falls asleep beside me. And somewhere deep down, I truly wonder if we’re ever going to feel normal again.
Or if this damaged, aching, careful version of us is all that’s left now.
Chapter forty-one
JUDE GRAVES
A few days later, Levi stands several feet away speaking with federal attorneys while assistants move sealed folders and thick stacks of paperwork across tables in organized piles. He looks controlled and immaculate. Slicked-back brown hair without a strand out of place, sharp blue eyes constantly assessing the room like he’s calculating ten outcomes ahead of everyone else at all times.
Behind me, Adela sits beside Rafe with one leg crossed tightly over the other, her fingers tapping absently against the edge of her chair while she watches the courtroom. Heather and Micah sit directly behind me with Emma. She offers a tight smile, and I return it. I didn’t want to leave that bed this morning. Despite how different it feels between us lately, we still gravitate toward each other in sleep. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night to find my arm over her, or her nestled against the warmth of my back.
A court officer shuts one of the side doors heavily, and the sharp crack echoes through the room hard enough that Emma flinches.
I lean closer toward her, lowering my voice. “You okay?”
She nods too quickly. “Yeah.”
Before turning around in my seat, I see that reporters are whispering to each other. This is despite the judge’s repeated warnings about disclosure restrictions involving trafficking victims and sealed evidence connected to the Moscow investigation. Most names still haven’t been released publicly. Vlad’s and Henrik’s included. Not yet, anyway.
Levi finally returns to the table beside me, setting down another thick folder before unbuttoning his suit jacket and taking his seat. “Today will primarily focus on evidentiary continuation,” he says quietly.
I stare blankly ahead at nothing. “Sounds thrilling.”
His eyes flick toward me briefly. “Try not to antagonize federal court staff, Jude.”
Time behaves strangely inside courtrooms. It stretches until seconds feel fucking unbearable, then collapses entirely until hours pass in flashes that barely connect properly in my memory afterward. A lot has felt this way since Moscow, really. I barely feel like I’m a human being most of the time. All of us seem like this, except for Rafe and Adela, because they deal with violence every damn day in their lives and call it business.
Every piece of evidence falls together as Levi dismantles the prosecution’s framing, one careful layer at a time. The prosecution tries repeatedly to position me as an active participant inside Alexei’s and Nolan’s organization instead of what I actually was, but Levi counters every argument almost effortlessly. What Adela and Nico were able to recover from Nolan’s flash drive is saving my fucking ass.
I sit there listening to strangers explain my abuse through legal terminology while my knee bounces uncontrollably beneath the table. It feels like watching an autopsy performed on my own goddamn life.
Every now and then, I shove a hand back through my hair and glance at Emma just to ground myself. Because part of me still keeps waiting for someone to just stand up and say it.
Monster. Murderer. Psychopath. Coward. Demon.
Emma testifies only briefly. Levi prepared her carefully beforehand, telling her to keep answers concise, but hearing her speak at all makes my heart ache.
“Yes,” she says quietly when asked about Nolan’s control over our environment. Her fingers twist tightly together in her lap before she forces herself to continue. “Nolan controlled every aspect of Jude’s life. I saw how scared Jude was of Nolan.” She pauses. “He was a killer. And he threatened a lot.”
The room stays silent as we listen. Adela mentioned that it would be best to frame everything so thatNolanwas responsible for all of the murders that I actually committed in the States. And that when he started getting sloppy and pissing off Alexei in Moscow, he was murdered. And then I was taken as his new prized possession.
Nolan is the dead scapegoat.
Emma gulps. “I was too scared to speak up. Because Nolan knew who I was and could have killed me. Jude kept us safe by leaving with them for Russia. But I…” she trails off. “I couldn’t let him go. So we went to find him, not realizing that Alexei was worse than Nolan ever was.”
Something about the way she says it makes the entire courtroom still.
