Page 33 of My Duke, The Stranger
The dream took place in his office. He was seated behind his desk, a glass of brandy in his hand, a cigar balanced between his lips. Before him stood a footman, head bowed, body shaking. And Cassian, for reasons he could not fathom, was berating the man as if he meant to shame him to death.
He recognized that footman as the same who had attended him at supper the previous night.
Sitting in bed, still coated in sweat, Cassian tried to convince himself that it was just a dream, that he could not possibly speak to someone that way. But then he remembered how the staff behaved around him. How they always appeared on edge, so very careful not to say the wrong thing. Were they just being attentive? Or were they fearful that Cassian might snap…
He sat alone in bed for a long time.
As he did, he thought about Mr. Pemberton and what they had discussed last night, just as he thought about those things that Mr. Pemberton would not say. He never said the words directly; he would not dare to admit as such, but Cassian could not deny the truth as he now knew it.
I am not the man I pretend to be…
This made him think about Isolde. She was nothing but pure and sweet and innocent. She was also kind, loving, and gentle. How could she love him if he was such a monster? It wasn’t possible.
Cassian had to know for sure. For days, he had been happy to act as if all was normal and there was nothing beneath the surface of who he was. He was certain that if he did not face the truth, then he might never have to. What was more, he was so darn certain of Isolde’s love for him that he just assumed it.
Has she even told me that she loves me? Or have I just told myself that she does?
It was a frightening prospect, but Cassian had to know the truth. And not just about himself, but about Isolde and her feelings.
With that in mind, he took his time getting ready, long enough that he was sure Isolde would finish breakfast without him. Then, he kept an eye on her, waiting until the right moment. He found it soon after she finished eating, as she left the manor to visit the stables. Alone.
His legs shook as he followed her. And his chest tightened as he walked into the stables and found her tending to one of the horses.
She was just so beautiful. With her chestnut hair. With her petite frame. With eyes that were intelligent, thoughtful, and innocent. She smiled as she stroked the horse’s mane, and her laughter wrapped Cassian like a cloak in winter, doing much to batter away the fear he felt.
She does love me. I know that she does…
“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said as he approached her.
She started at the sight of him, but when she turned and saw him walking toward her, she smiled, and that was enough to convince Cassian that he was doing the right thing.
“Startling me, perhaps,” she said. “But certainly not disturbing.”
“I was wondering what your plans are today?” He came in behind her, but not too close.
She rolled her eyes. “I feel as if you are about to tell me.”
“Am I so predictable?”
“You are not exactly subtle. Make of that what you will.”
Their banter was effortless. She did not shy away from him. She did not quiver or act nervously. She knew him for who he was, and he was someone she liked. Surely, such a man could not be the same as the one in his dream?
“Mr. Pemberton told me of a beach that is not such a far ride from here,” he said to her. “Apparently, I used to visit it often. And seeing as I am strictly ordered by my doctor to revisit old steps in the vain hope that it might rattle something in my head free, I thought it might be nice to go for a ride and see this beach for myself.”
“A ride…” She hesitated. “Are you sure that is such a good idea?”
“I promise to be careful.”
“As I am sure you were the last time you sat on a horse.”
“Which is why you will be joining me,” he said. “To keep an eye on me and make sure that I do not do anything foolish. Like falling off and breaking my head open.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I think you put too much faith in me. Stopping you from acting a fool…” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I do not think anyone is capable of that feat.”
As they spoke, Cassian felt his confidence rise.
He knew what he had to do today, the only thing that he could do. What was more, once it was done, he was certain that he would be able to put behind him the dreadful sense of impending doom that sat on his shoulders everywhere that he went.
