Page 7 of Certified to Handle You
“You don’t get to tell me what I know when you had me callin’ your phone all night like somethin’ happened to you.”
“I’m here now.”
“And that’s supposed to fix it?”
“No,” he said, his voice softer. “But I’m here to fix it.”
I stood there for a minute with my hand on my own arm, wantin’ to open the door and wantin’ to make him hurt the way I was hurt at the same time. That was the ugly part about lovin’ somebody who knew all your weak spots. They could be the reason you was cryin’ and still be the only person you wanted to comfort you.
I turned away from the door and walked back into the kitchen without sayin’ nothin’ else.
Renza stayed…
At first, he knocked every few minutes and called my name like he was givin’ me time to change my mind. Then he got quiet for a while, and I thought maybe he had left until I heard him talkin’ on the phone outside the door. I couldn’t make out everything he was sayin’, but his voice came through enough for me to know he was still out there, probably irritated and pacin’ in front of my door like the stubborn ass man he was.
Mornin’ turned into afternoon, and I forced myself to clean just so I wouldn’t keep walkin’ over to that peephole. I wiped down counters that was already clean, washed the same wine glass twice, and ended up seasonin’ meat for dinner later, even though my appetite was somewhere out the window with my patience.
Cookin’ gave my hands somethin’ to do, and maybe a part of me knew he could smell it through the door, but I wasn’t ready to be honest about that.
By late evenin’, his voice came again.
“Baby,” he called, soundin’ tired and annoyed at the same time. “Can I use yo’ charger? My phone about to die.”
I looked toward the door and rolled my eyes, but I still didn’t answer.
“Reni, you hear me?”
I kept stirrin’ the pot, ignorin’ the fuck out of him.
More hours passed. The sun started droppin’ and that pretty golden light came through my windows, touchin’ everything in the condo except my mood. The food was done by then, and the smell had filled the whole place. Chicken curry, coconut rice, honey jerk lamb chops, sweet plantains, and buttery cabbage all sat on my stove like my heart was still preparin’ a plate for a man I was supposed to be done with.
That was what scared me about Renza. I could be furious with him and still love him out of habit.
When night came, he spoke again.
“Reni.”
I stopped movin’...
“I love you,” he said from the other side of the door. “I know you mad, and I know you got every right to be mad, but I’m sorry. I wasn’t out fuckin’ around on you.”
My eyes filled again, and I hated that they did.
He sighed, and I could hear how tired he was. “It’s late, baby, and these mosquitoes tearin’ my ass up out here.”
I looked down and pressed my hand over my mouth ’cause the laugh tried to come before I could stop it. Only Renza could say shit the way he did.
“When you ready to talk,” he said after a minute, his voice lower, “I’m gon’ be here. I love you, Renaissance.”
Hearin’ my full name from him almost broke me.
Then, he said, “Goodnight, baby.”
After that, everything got quiet. I waited because I thought he was just tryna make me open the door, but after a while, I didn’t hear him anymore. The silence sat outside my door like he had finally given up.
I told myself not to check. Then I checked anyway. I walked to the door slowly and looked through the peephole, already bracin’ myself for him to still be there with that stubborn look on his face, but he wasn’t there. He was gone.
My chest sank so fast I had to lean my forehead against the door and close my eyes. I had wanted him to leave because I needed space, but seein’ that he actually did hurt worse than I expected.
