Page 21 of Certified to Handle You
We finally started comin’ down, both of us sittin’ here breathin’ hard, and quiet for a second.
Then he let out this lil’ laugh he tried to hold in…
…and I just looked at him like,nigga, don’t—but it was too late.
I folded right back over, gaspin’, laughin’ all over again, and now he was right back with me, both of us soundin’ crazy like we ain’t have no fuckin’ sense.
After a while, I ain’t even peep when it happened, but we wasn’t sittin’ all the way across from each other no more. It’s like our chairs just ended up closer without either of us makin’ it a thing.
I ain’t see him move, and I know I ain’t consciously move either, but somehow the space between us got smaller.
My knee brushed his, light at first, then again. I looked at him, and he looked at me.
Then we both moved back at the same time, real slight, like neither of us was finna play in this space.
I smacked my lips and grabbed my cup. “Yeah… watch it.”
Renza let out a low laugh, shakin’ his head. “You the one slidin’.”
“Nahhh. That’s yo’ ass,” I muttered, side-eyein’ him.
Even after we moved, that lil’ moment ain’t go nowhere.
I sat back with my cup in my hand, watchin’ the way the light hit his face when he leaned down to roll again. He was quiet, and focused, like he always was when he was just doin’ him.
Every now and then, I caught him lookin’ at me. It wasn’t long enough to call the shit out, but it was long enough for me to notice. And instead of sayin’ somethin’, I just looked away like I ain’t catch it, lettin’ it be what it was.
The house was quiet behind us ’cause everybody was knocked out. It felt different out here, like the night slowed down just for me.
Renza moved in his seat, restin’ his arms on his knees for a second before leanin’ back again, glancin’ over at me like he was about to say somethin’, then didn’t.
That almost-sayin’ somethin’ shit sat between us for a second, and that’s what made me look at him a lil’ longer than I meant to.
After a while, he looked at me again. “You gon’ be happy back home?”
I held his gaze for a second, feelin’ his energy, then I smirked a lil’. “You sure you happy with yo’ girl?”
Renza went still…
His eyes stayed on mine, and whatever passed through ’em… it ain’t match his mouth.
“Don’t do that,” he said low.
I ain’t move. I just kept lookin’ at him. I let the moment sit for a second, then gave a small nod, finally lookin’ away.
“Yeah,” I said, playin’ it off. “I know. I was just askin’.”
But when I looked back at him, he was already lookin’ at me again. Finally, he broke eye contact first.
“I’m takin’ my ass to bed,” he said, standin’ up.
He stepped closer to me like he was about to do somethin’, maybe say somethin’, but he paused, just for a second, then he shook it off and turned toward the house.
I watched him walk off without sayin’ nothin’, and when the door closed behind him, it got quiet again.
I leaned back in my chair, lookin’ out over the yard, feelin’ that pull in my chest that I ain’t even have a name for.
Trill-Land had really become home to me in a way I ain’t expect, and now I was leavin’ it.
