Page 163 of Certified to Handle You
“It ain’t even about where my heart at,” I added. “It’s just… I know what part I played in that. I guess it compassion. Hell, I don’t know.”
‘Lo looked at me for a second, then shook his head. “So what about ‘Nelle?” he asked.
I let out a sigh under my breath. “Man, she actin’ funny as hell with me,” I said. “I been tryna fuck with her, tryna be on her and she treatin’ me like I’m some wild ass nigga she gotta keep space from.”
“That sound like her,” ‘Lo said, smirkin’ a lil’.
“I don’t even know what to do,” I admitted. “Part of me feel like I should just hop on a plane and pull up on her like this nigga used to do,” I added, noddin’ toward Pressure.
Pressure shook his head, laughin’ low.
Then he got serious again. “You gotta go with who you want,” he said. “Don’t be out here tryna do right by one and end up miserable. I did that, and that shit damn near cost me everything.”
I nodded slow, takin’ that in.
‘Lo leaned forward then, lookin’ at me like he was about to give me somethin’ solid. “And stop chasin’ ‘Nelle,” he said. “That shit don’t work the way you think it do. Her and Toni cousins, and sometimes they act just alike.”
“So what I’m supposed to do then?” I asked.
“Let her come to you,” he replied. “Hit her in the mornin’. Hit her at night. Let her know you thinkin’ about her, but don’t be all up on her like that. If she fuck with you the way we know she do, she gon’ come back around. Trust me nigga, I dealt with it with Toni. It ain’t matter how much I begged, she still tripped.”
He paused, then added, “Sha’Nelle ain’t no regular woman. She ain’t gon’ chase you, but she solid. Just chill, and see how it play out.”
I sat here for a minute, thinkin’ about that, and lettin’ it sink in while the blunt burned down in my hand.
We stayed out there a lil’ longer, talkin’ here and there, but my head was already somewhere else, runnin’ through everything these niggas said.
After a while, we went back inside, and I made my way down the hall to my side of the house, feelin’ like I needed to clear my head before I made any moves.
I stepped into the shower and let the water hit me, standin’ there for a minute with my hands braced against the wall while everything replayed in my mind, from Pressure tellin’ me to go with who I want, and ‘Lo tellin’ me to stop chasin’. And me standin’ in the middle of it, tryna move without fuckin’ everything up.
As bad as I wanted to just go see Sha’Nelle and handle that shit my way, I knew I probably needed to chill this time. Every time I tried to force somethin’ before, that shit just got worse, especially with Reni.
So maybe this time… I needed to let it breathe.
I cut the water off after a while and stepped out, dryin’ off before I grabbed my phone off the charger.
As soon as the screen lit up, I saw that I had a missed call from Sha’Nelle, along with a text and call from Reni sittin’ right under it.
I ain’t even hesitate, I tapped Sha’Nelle name and called her right back, puttin’ the phone to my ear while I walked around the room, waitin’ for her to pick up, but she didn’t.
I pulled the phone away and stared at it for a second, then typed quick.
Call me back.
I set the phone down and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbin’ my hands together while I waited, but as the minutes passed and nothin’ came through, I leaned back and stared up at the ceilin’, lettin’ out a slow breath.
Part of me felt like she was good and safe, but another part of me felt that space she had been creatin’, and I couldn’t ignore it. Why couldn’t these damn women just listen to the way a nigga was tellin’ they crazy asses how much they loved ’em? Like damn… y’all will just stop fuckin’ with a nigga just ’cause he missed a phone call.
All I could do was hope that what me and ‘Nelle shared for that week wasn’t just some shit that came and went. ’Cause that shit was real to me, and I wasn’t ready to lose it.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Weeks later…
It was past midnight and a strong pull in my stomach woke me from my sleep.
At first, I just laid here, blinking up at the ceiling while I tried to figure out if it was just another one of those random pains I’d been feelin’ these last couple days. But when it came again, harder this time and sitting low in my stomach, I slowly pushed myself up against the headboard and rested my hand over my belly.
