Page 20 of Tide
“And Beth?”
“What about her?”
“What happened with her?”
“She didn’t like livin’ my lifestyle or the fact that I couldn’t keep my ass out of prison for longer than a few months at a time. Took a toll on her. But leavin’ Christian? That was the last straw. She should have been a mother to him but she wasn’t. She left us to fend for ourselves,” he tells me. I didn’t realize that it was just the two of them for most of Christian’s life.
“How’d you do it? Raise him?”
“Mainly the club girls. I don’t know, maybe that’s why he turned out the way he did.”
“You did the best you could, Tide.”
“Given the situation, I thought so too, but I’m not much of a father, and I’ve accepted that.”
“Did you want more kids?”
“Not with her,” he says quickly. “Besides, I was in the pen more than I was out.”
“And now?”
“You tryin’ to tell me you want kids, Mylah?”
“I’ve thought about it. I wouldn’t mind having one or two.”
“I can make that happen.”
“What about Christian?”
“What about him? He’s a grown man, I told you. He can handle himself.”
“I can’t have kids with you, Tide.”
“Why not?”
“I refuse to raise them alone. I want my children to have both parents around.” He goes silent for a long minute before I hear him take a deep breath.
“I fucked up with my son. I wouldn’t do that again, Mylah.”
“You should fix things with him.”
“How do I do that? I’m fuckin’ his girlfriend,” he chuckles a little.
“You could stop.”
“That’s not gonna happen. I thought about it, though,” he tells me and something in my chest clenches.
“About what?”
“Lettin’ you go. Lettin’ him have you. It made sense.”
“And now?”
“It doesn’t make sense. Why should I give up somethin’ I want? I could beat myself up over it, or I could keep you. It’s as simple as that,” he tells me.
“Why do you want me, Tide?” it comes out as almost a whisper.
“You’re beautiful. Inside and out. You love others, you love animals. You’re smart, observant. There’s a list of reasons, Mylah.”
