Page 42 of Don't Brake My Heart
‘I was always planning on getting another job – a career,’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘It was only a matter of time. I should have quit earlier, then I might not have been a nearly 30-year-old intern in a shitty job market. I’m not like you. I never had what it takes and now being back, this assignment – it’s a nightmare. I should have just become a damn doctor.’
Her meaning was clear enough: I was the nightmare. And I’d rubbed her face in it today. If I needed further proof of how wrong I was for her, I had it.
She plonked down on the grass, as though punctuating her statement, then flopped onto her back, staring up at the sky.
I lowered myself warily down next to her. ‘I screwed up, right?’ I’d made getting under her skin an art form, but I’d never reached her in the way I truly wanted to.
‘Get over yourself, Gallagher,’ she murmured. ‘Yeah, you screwed up, but the problem was here already and it doesn’t have anything to do with you.’
‘But I—’ I considered my words. She was right. Her life was none of my business – and that was the fact that had always frustrated me.
And it was inconveniently sexy, hearing her call me ‘Gallagher’ and put me in my place. I stretched out next to her, close enough that the ends of my hair brushed hers. Even being this close felt like a miracle.
‘I know you gotta eat, but can’t you workandride?’
She glanced at me, her face close with a handful of blades of grass between us. ‘You make it sound simple,’ she said. ‘Try telling that to my parents.’
‘They’re doctors, right?’
She seemed surprised I knew that. ‘Yeah, two young Polish doctors who came to America to embrace running their own practice. But maybe they didn’t imagine their American daughter would follow her heart instead of her head and achieve precisely nothing with their academic genes.’
Her tone was bitter, but her words grabbed hold of me somewhere in my chest and pulled. These were different expectations from anything I suffered under – so much harder because she didn’t have a finish line, no podium places to aim for. Only a vague definition of success. I would have buckled a long time ago, under those conditions.
‘I… like that you followed your heart.’ Otherwise, I might never have met her. ‘I know you’re wildly clever, but your brain isn’t the only amazing part of you.’
When I risked a glance at her, she was watching me doubtfully. Fair enough, given the history of our relationship.
‘Are you mocking me?’
‘No!’ I couldn’t help laughing, which somewhat undermined my point. ‘But there’s no law that says you’re smart, so you have to get a high-powered job. What if that’s not what you want?’
‘I spent ten years ruining my psyche with this sport. I have no idea what I want.’ She lifted a hand for emphasis, but let it drop again, perilously close to mine.
‘I get that.’
I heard the movement of her head on the grass and knew she was watching me. ‘Do you? What would you do if you weren’t required to bust your balls for three weeks in the hot summer sun?’
Her dry tone made me smile and I took another glance at her, bracing myself for the whump when I caught sight of her, eyes glinting with humour. ‘It’s not a good idea for me to even think about it.’
‘Fucking on a picnic blanket?’
I was so startled, I shot up into sitting position, spluttering some nonsense in my defence. I could unfortunately picture it: Leesa in one of her flowery dresses, up around her waist— I took a deep breath to clear that one before it sharpened into focus. Shaking myself, I managed to drawl, ‘With you, sweetheart? I can’t say no.’
She rolled her eyes and gave an unconvinced ‘pfft’. It was probably for the best.
‘You heard me say that?’ I asked, trying to remember what else I’d talked about with Dad and whether I’d said anything even more incriminating.
She tugged on my arm and there was no way I’d resist her, so I lay back down. I hadn’t consciously intended it, but now my shoulder was brushing hers and her face was even closer.
‘I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ I reassured her. ‘I was just trying to piss him off. Same with the… you know, the comment about big tits.’
She propped herself up on one elbow with an indignant expression and I couldn’t stop my eyes drifting down her body. Big ones were lovely too, but Leesa’s tits…
‘I am aware I have small breasts,’ she said drily. ‘To be honest, I’d rather skip the back problems and miss out on starring in your boob fantasies.’
If only she knew.
