Page 137 of In My Heart
“Me too,” Arran chimed in with a soft, reassuring smile.
I looked to Dio with worry. I knew he was still resentful after finding out about what had happened between Dante and me in Chicago. He’d been so angry with Dante before.
“I know you hurt her…bruised her,” Dio accused, looking right to Dante.
“Dio….”
“It won’t happen ever again,” Dante cut in, his words filled with truth and promise.
“It better not. She’s been through more than anyone ever should have to face. I won’t have her being hurt by someone who is supposed to love her,” Dio threatened.
“It won’t. I was drunk that night, but I will never touch a drop of alcohol again. I love her. All I ever want is to make her happy and keep her safe,” Dante promised.
“Then we’re on the same page,” Dio nodded.
“Not so sure about Rafe,” I reminded them all.
“He’ll come around, especially when he realises there’s nothing he can do. It’s too late to get rid of us. We love you, Cara, all of us. You’re our world, and we’re not going anywhere, no matter what comes or what your brother threatens,” Cal proclaimed, and the others all nodded in agreement, even Dante.
Happy tears fell free when Dante leaned down to place a soft and reverent kiss on the top of my head.
“What’s wrong, wee one?” Arran asked as he came closer and swiped a tear from my cheek.
“I’m happy,” I sniffled. “I never thought it was in the cards for me, but here it is…here all of you are….my happiness. I can finally start to see a future ahead that I’m not scared of, and it has all of you in it.”
“Damn right it does.” Dante squeezed his arm around me and held me tighter.
With the others surrounding us, I had never felt more secure or hopeful in my entire life, as I did right then. I felt stronger. I had a long way to go before I’d be healed, but I had found a piece of myself that had been missing, and for that moment, that piece, and the men I loved, along with a brother I knew I could always turn to, gave me the strength I had feared had left me. Whatever came next, I felt, for the first time in months, like I could face it - good or bad.
EPILOGUE
CARA
SIX MONTHS LATER….
It was amazing what time could do, how it could change you if you had the right environment and enough support and love around you to facilitate it. I felt like a different person sometimes; I had changed so much. It had been a long process, tough, and far from smooth sailing, but I had changed.
Not all at once. It had happened in stages, some messier than others. At first there had still been so much anxiety and fear. So many tears and panicked moments that came from nowhere. The trauma had been so fresh, the marks and scars on my body so apparent and raw.
And Dante. He had come home after a week of us all basically holding him prisoner in that hospital, but it took so much longer for his wounds to heal, and his bruises to fade. To start with, I often found myself hurtling away from him so I could break down in privacy at how hurt he was. I blamed myself until it almost suffocated me, hated myself for what I had done to my family.
Rafe’s recovery only added to that. He was shot because of me, and every time he struggled to breathe, or almost choked coughing, I drowned in guilt again.
In the end Cal had forced me to see a new counsellor, this one he visited and fully vetted himself. He’d had to all but drag me to the first appointment in the city, but in the first hour I found some rapport with my new therapist – Dr. Hoy. She was an older woman, who had unending patience and never made me feel small the way the first therapist had. She taught me ways to handle my anxiety, talked through my guilt with me over and over until I finally started to realise how misplaced it all was.
I still saw her once a week, and I knew we had a ways to go until every twisted thought and emotion in my head was addressed, but I was doing the work and it felt like it was paying off.
I got stronger. Calmer. I found balance somewhere between waking up without screams and drenched in my own sweat, and falling asleep without fearing my own mind. I had learned to control my anxiety so much more masterfully, and I’d started to understand what it meant to feel safe in my own head.
Of course, I hadn’t done it alone. My men had been there with me every step of the way, surrounding me, supporting me, and putting me back together in the times I was too exhausted or shaken to do it alone. They had loved me despite the hellish rollercoaster ride my mind had taken me on, and they had always been there to catch me and hold me tight when I needed them to.
I wasn’t fully healed. I was unsure that I ever could be, considering the life I had lived. There were scars within me, that could never be repaired or hidden. Nightmares still came occasionally and there were still triggers that could take me down unexpectedly in a second, but I was stronger. It wasn’t the shaky, glued together version of strength I had wrapped around myself in Chicago to survive either. This strength was new, andsolid. It was built on determination, a ton of work, and so much love. I felt braver, better able to face the world head on.
I’d built a life for myself, with my family and my guys. I’d started online classes to get some qualifications, and I also volunteered three times a week at the local library. It was new and shaky, but it was the start of me finding my feet and taking the next steps in my future.
I was happy. That was the biggest change. It had felt so foreign at first, to just be happy without darkness and fear lurking behind it, but I adjusted, and I settled into it, feeling safe and loved with Arran, Cal, Dio, and Dante.
Rafe was a part of our lives again, his issues soothed after him seeing how much my guys cared for me, for himself. The tension was gone and our family was back, stronger than ever. It was also legitimate now too. Rafe had handed off the docks and the last of the mafia life to Kean, just as planned five months ago.
