Page 109 of In My Heart
A sob slipped from me, and I was in Arran’s arms before the next one came. He lifted me into his lap and held me tightly. I couldn’t believe we were back here again. It was just too much.
“Enough, lad. Yer upsettin’ yer sister again,” Arran growled.
“I agree. Enough. You behave like a child, Rafe. Cara isn’t some toy you’ve had stolen. This is her life and you don’t get to rip it to shreds. It’s not your decision who she, or anyone else, loves,” Terza cut in angrily.
“Itcanbe my decision,” Rafe sneered as he looked between my guys with a cold threat.
I’d heard enough. I couldn’t take any more. Rafe had promised he wouldn’t make me choose again. He’d apologized to me and to the guys. And now here we were all over again.
I jumped to my feet and stumbled, trying to get my balance. I was shaky and unsteady. My heart was beating too fast, adrenaline flooding my system.
“Cara, where are ye goin’ darlin’?” Arran asked as he reached out to steady me. I evaded his hold and skipped to the side, then I stormed towards the door.
“Cara?” Cal called. I turned to look at him with a sad smile, then glanced to Rafe for a second.
“I’m going to pack,” I told them all.
“Where are you going,Piccola?” Dio asked.
“I don’t know. Away. I c-can’t…” My voice broke and I had to take a shaky breath to stop the sob that wanted free. “I can’t do this anymore. He’s going to make me choose and I won’t. I can’t, so it’s easier if I just…just go,” I explained shakily.
“No, Cara…” Terza pleaded as the guys all spoke over each other. I just left the room, unable to listen to any more chaos. It was too much.
“Cara?” I turned at the top of the stairs and glanced back to find Rafe stood there, leaning heavily against the banister and struggling to catch his breath.
“Why are you doing this?” I cried as tears flooded down my face.
“I’m prot…”
“Spare me!” I screamed over the rest of the word I knew was coming. “I don’t need protecting! I just needed you to love and accept me, but you can’t do it! You need me to be broken, and maybe I am, but I have no intention of staying that way, Rafe. You don’t get to hold me back, just to keep as your pet project!”
“That’s bullshit!” he snapped.
“Is it? Tell me you don’t find it easier to deal with me when I’m falling to pieces every five minutes? Tell me it doesn’t suit your need for control when I’m small, scared, and so fucking broken I don’t know where to turn!”
“Cara! You don’t see it, but I do. Maybe they don’t even know they’re doing it, but they’re using you when you’re at your lowest. They’re in love with you because you need them. They want control, just as you accused me, only I won’t hurt you. They will.”
“Get a grip Rafe!” I raged. “You’re accusing men, who you have known for years, of abusing me! You’re accusing a man who you’ve known for so many years longer than you’ve known me, of being a monster! You’re losing it!”
“Get back here!” Rafe yelled when I turned and left his sight, but I didn’t set off up the next flight of stairs. I just paused at the top and tried to get a handle on myself. This wasn’t my brother. This was the pain he was in, talking. It was his exhaustion and his frustration and his anger at us not telling him right away.
“You won’t leave this house. Cara!” Rafe bellowed louder. “My men won’t allow it. You will stay here where you’re safe if I have to make you my prisoner! Do you hear me?” he stopped and burst into a coughing fit. My concern for him didn’t overrun my anger though.
“How dare you?” I growled as I returned to the top of the stairs and stared down at him. “You think you can threaten me?”
“I’ll d-do what I have to, to k-keep you safe,” he panted.
“Keep on this way and I’ll save you the hassle!” I gasped emotionally.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, my words finally seeming to bring some sense to him.
“I won’t be manipulated or used again, Rafe, not by anyone. You threatened to make me a prisoner! You threatened to kill the men I love! You’re taking away the shreds of peace I found for myself, and if you continue, I’ll wind up back in that darkness you found me in, pretty fucking fast.”
“I won’t let you try to take your life again, Cara.”
“Yeah? What’s the plan? Suicide watch? Send me to some nut house? I mean, why not? What ever it takes toprotectme, huh Rafe?” I ground out.
“Cara!”
