Page 94 of In My Heart
“You’re a fucking dead man!” Rafe pushed out as he fought to breathe, pointing a threatening finger at Dio. “She’s like your fucking sister, you sick fuck!”
“Rafe, stop! Please,” I cried as I looked over to him.
It was like he hadn’t even realised I was there, but when he looked up and saw me, his face softened and guilt filled it.
“I’m sorryGioia. I never should have allowed this to happen. He’s taken advantage of you under my damn roof!”
“He’s done no such thing,” I sighed as I pulled free of Cal’s arms and stood firm opposite my brother. “Dio and I fell in love. We didn’t mean for it to happen. The last thing I was looking for was a relationship, but it just happened, Rafe. He never took advantage of me. Maybe try and credit me with the ability to know my own mind,” I told him with annoyance.
“But Cal? I thought you…” Rafe looked to Cal, who just looked pissed as hell with my brother.
“We’re together,” I nodded. “I love him too. And Arran. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you, Rafe. We planned to, but then you got shot and we didn’t want this to happen. We didn’t want you to damage your recovery throwing an idiotic macho stunt like this.”
“Idiotic? You tell me three men under my fucking roof have seduced you into some perverted relationship, and you think I acted idiotic?” Rafe fumed. “We’re way past that, sweetheart. I’m murderous right now. I suggest you start saying some goodbyes.”
“Rafe…” Dio cut in, but I held up my hand, cutting him off. I needed to handle this and I knew it. Rafe was just seeing red, not sense, and I had a feeling I was the only person who could maybe calm him down.
“Do you love me Rafe?” I asked him plainly.
“You know I do.”
“Why did you bring me here…to London? Why did you insist I come to live with you when I was resolved to stay in Chicago?”
“Because I wanted you safe. You weren’t safe there. I wanted you with me, where I could protect you and give you the life you deserved. I didn’t realise I was bringing you into further abuse,” he bit out as he glared between all of my guys.
“Watch yer fuckin’ mouth, Rafe. We’d never hurt her an’ ye damn well know it!” Arran stepped forward like he was going to go for Rafe, but Cal caught his arm and pulled him back.
“He’s right. None of them have ever hurt me. I know what abuse is Rafe, intimately. What I have with Cal, Arran and Dio is the complete opposite.” I stepped forward and crouched down before Rafe, resting my hands on his knees. His whole body was vibrating and his fists were still clenched. “You brought me home with you because you wanted me to be happy. You wanted me to find a future that would make me leave behind the nightmare of my past, didn’t you? You wanted me to be safe, loved, and happy?”
“Yeah,” he laughed bitterly. “I fucked that up royally, didn’t I?”
“We’re not going back to the blame game right now,” I sighed. “We’ve been there and it gets us nowhere.”
“I wanted better for you,” he told me.
“Better than three men you trust with your life? Three men who are devoted to me, who do everything they can to take care of me and make me smile? Better than men who are strong enough to protect me from this shitty dangerous life we got trapped inat birth?” I pushed. “I know you feel betrayed, Rafe, but it’s misplaced. I’m an adult and I fell for all of them just like they fell for me. They wanted to tell you as soon as we realised it was going somewhere, but then you got shot. They haven’t done anything wrong. I love them and I need them. I don’t see a future for myself without all of them in it, and before them I never saw a future at all.”
“You’ve known me all my life, brother,” Dio spoke up. “And you’ve known Arran and Cal since they were kids. Do you really think we’d do anything to coerce your sister? Do you even think she’d allow that to happen? She’s incredibly intelligent, and she knows her own mind.”
“You accepted me and Cara being together. Why is it so different that she loves Dario and Arran too?” Cal asked.
“Because he doesnae think we’re good enough,” Arran growled.
“You’re wrong, Arran,” Rafe sighed, looking suddenly exhausted, “It’s not that. Cal is going to be a doctor. He’s going to be wholesome and free of this life. That’s what I wanted for my sister. That’s why I was happy when she and Cal got together. The two of you…” he looked between Dio and Arran, “…your hands are as drenched in blood as mine. Even if we get out, you can never give Cara the picture perfect life I wanted for her. We all have enemies and just because we get out of the shady shit doesn’t mean any of us will be completely clean of the life we were brought up to live.”
“I was brought up to live that life too, Rafe. My hands are far from clean.” Cal looked to me as he spoke, like he was gauging my reaction.
I wasn’t shocked. I’d seen enough of Cal’s darker side to know he wasn’t as innocent and free spirited as he seemed. I knew therewas a story there, because he’d hinted at it. Most of all, even if I hadn’t suspected, I don’t think I’d have cared.
“I was too,” I reminded my brother. “Maybe Marcello wasn’t my father, but Adamian is. This life of violence, death, and danger, it’s in my blood. The years I was gone didn’t save me from it. Instead it introduced me to a new terrifying and violent life that intertwined its way into every aspect of me. I learned to accept violence against me, because it was the only way to survive from a very young age. Even later, when I did learn to fight back, I trusted no one, trying to protect myself. I know evil, and believe me, my hands aren’t clean either.” I looked between my guys as tears filled my eyes, finally landing on Cal.
“I’m not ready to accept this, Cara. You’re vulnerable right now. You can barely keep your head straight. Making a decision like this…”
“Don’t you bloody dare, Rafe!” I cried as I shot to my feet and moved away from him. “Don’t you dare try and act like I’m not sane enough to make my own decisions just to get your own selfish way! I know I’m a mess, but I’m not incompetent. I know what I want and I haven’t been fucking vulnerable for a really long time! I learned not to be after years of abuse, all during the time I waited for you to keep your stupid promise!”
“Lass,” I turned and found Arran right at my back. It wasn’t until I happily fell into his waiting arms that I realised how hard I was shaking, and how short of breath I was. My eyes were glassy and I was so grateful Arran had come to me. Him holding me took the edge of the anger that was consuming me.
“This is what I mean. I know you’re strong, Cara, but you get so upset and you’re looking for solace. You found it in the threeof them and mistook it for love,” Rafe spoke and I shook even harder at the things he was saying.
