Page 81 of In My Heart
“So what will you say if you feel unsure?” he asked.
“Stop. But I won’t need to. All I ever feel is good things when you’re with me,” I assured him, and he smiled.
“Good. Now let’s see if we can make ye feel mind blowing things with me too,” he teased.
He urged me to widen my stance and I did. My body was humming with anticipation and out of control need.
Thankfully, Arran didn’t toy with me, he just dove in and I cried out instantly when his tongue brushed over my clit just a little too lightly for my wants.
“Arran,” I groaned as I leant further into the wall and gripped his shoulders as tight as I could, feeling like I needed to hold on.
Arran moaned like he was enjoying his task, then he seemed to dive in, his mouth and tongue everywhere, and I was just lost to the pleasure. I cried out when he sucked on my clit, then I felt his thick fingers push inside of me and it just got better.
“Yes! Arran…oh God!” I gasped nonsensically.
My orgasm came all at once and I had to try hard not to cry out as loud as I felt the need to, knowing Rafe was just a floor above.But I came so suddenly and so hard, it was like being hit with a tidal wave of pleasure, release, and bliss.
“Arran…” I was lost for words as I stood there, still gripping his shoulders, my head slumped forwards, just trying to catch my breath. My legs were shaking beneath me and I felt them start to give up, my knees buckling.
“I’ve got ye,” Arran spoke, and before I could even open my eyes and lift my head I felt him scoop me up and press me against his chest as he rose to his full height. “Christ, yer so stunnin’ when ye come, darlin’,” he uttered as he cradled me close and kissed the top of my head.
I opened my eyes, coming back down from my high, only to be greeted by Arran’s handsome and content face.
“So good,” I told him, knowing there was a smile on my face too. I couldn’t stop it. I felt so at peace.
“We were aiming fer mind blowing, if I recall,” he teased.
“Well, we’re not done yet, are we?”
“That’s up to you. Are ye up to more?” he asked as he seemed to watch me for a sign I wasn’t.
“Up to it, and ready for it. I want this with you Arran, as long as you want it too.”
“I want you, Cara. I’ve wanted ye since pretty much the moment I laid eyes on ye,” he confessed and I felt myself blushing at his impassioned words.
“Do you have a condom? I’m not on birth control or anything,” I explained, trying hard to keep my head enough to cover the necessities. “I should probably sort that out,” I added as Irealised it would be a smart move when I was in love with three men.
“We can talk about that later. I have a condom in my wallet. I dinnae usually carry them, just te be clear, but I started after what we did the other night with Cal. I thought it wise to be ready, just in case,” he told me honestly.
“Always prepared, huh?” I joked and he chuckled.
“Aye, seems so.” He set me down and leant out of the shower for a moment, I assumed to grab the condom from his wallet, which must have been in his jeans.
I realised as I stood there under the spray of the warm water, that I felt no nerves about having sex with Arran. There was nothing to fear. I knew I was safe with him, and not just physically. All I actually felt in that moment or two was impatient excitement. Nothing that had happened between us in that shower, or with he and Cal the time before, had felt a thing like the violence I had faced in regard to sex in the past.
They were two different things, I realised. Maybe they came under the same umbrella of ‘sex’ but what had happened in my past was not consensual. It was abuse and violence. It was all about the monsters who used me getting what they needed and not giving a regard for the hole they used for that.
My present – with Cal and Arran, and I was sure with Dio too when we got there, was about pleasure and emotion. It was about trust and love. When Cal and Arran had touched me it hadn’t been purely about them using me for what they wanted. In fact, so far, it had been the complete opposite, it was them giving me exactly what I needed with no thought of their own needs. It had been about our connections and building something strong between us. It had been about love.
What happened to me in the past, couldn’t affect what happened in the present, because what I had with the men I loved didn’t compare. The two things were so many worlds apart, and that realisation felt huge for me.
“Cara? Are ye alright, darlin’?” I startled as Arran’s arms wrapped around me, dragging me from my too deep thoughts. I looked up and found him right before me, his arms around my waist and pulling me into his front. “It’s alright if yer no’ ready. I’m no’ goin’ anywhere, so we’ve nae need to rush this.”
I reached up to place my hands over his shoulders and smiled softly up at him. His hair was wet now, his top knot weighed down with the water, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever found him more attractive.
“I’m ready,” I told him confidently. “I think I just had a break through moment too.”
“About what?”
