Page 43 of In My Heart
After that he and Cal hadn’t left me. We’d laid on the bed, both of them on either side of me, sandwiching me between them and giving me some security amongst my inner turmoil and fear. They had wanted me to rest, but I couldn’t shut my brain off enough to do that. Hilt’s warning was just a new dark thought among the many that had already been spinning through my mind for weeks, maybe even for years, if I were honest.
But Cal had been checking on me constantly, his fingers regularly finding my wrist to check my pulse, his eyes checking my pupils every time he looked at me. They’d both been plying me with water too, trying to flush whatever was in my system.
Now, Dio and Rafe were both home and taking showers, changing before they came down to eat dinner and we all had the talk that needed to be done; before I laid even more shit on the shoulders of my brother who was already weighed down so much more than he ever should have been.
“Tired,” I whispered in reply to Cal’s question.
“Try to eat something. You need the calories to give you some energy,” he coaxed as his hand found mine in my lap and gripped it reassuringly.
“I’m scared for Rafe,” I admitted, the words breathy and broken as they poured from me.
“What do you mean?”
“He has too much to deal with. He doesn’t need any more.”
“Rafe is tough, and he doesn’t have to deal with anything alone. Dario and Arran have his back, always, as well as all of the loyal men who work for him. He needs to know that there’s a threat looming over you, Cara.”
“Maybe, but he...he doesn’t need to know that I screwed up again!” I ground out.
“You didn’t screw up. You’re struggling and you did a foolish thing to try and cope. Rafe needs to know that, so that he can be there for you, just the way we needed and wanted to know so we could be there for you too.”
“I don’t w-want to be broken anymore, Cal,” I confessed shakily, tears spilling down my face yet again, as my pain just poured from me. My hands started to shake, and as soon as Cal felt it, he pushed his chair back and lifted me into his lap.
I was grateful that he didn’t try to soothe me with words anymore. They weren’t enough to fix anything in that moment. Instead, he scooped my legs up and repositioned me so my whole body was curled up sideways in his lap. I found myself gripping his t-shirt so tightly that my hands ached, but I couldn’t let go. I needed that grip, that contact. I pressed my head against his chest and just tried to breathe as his arms wrapped around me and caged me against him, securing me from the rest of the world.
I was calmer by the time Arran returned with his own plate, a pitcher of water and three glasses. I turned my head enough to watch him set it all down, then he was there, leaning over Cal so he could see my eyes.
“Yer no’ alone. Cara. Ye’ll never be alone again. We’ve all got ye now, always,” he uttered as he ran his hand softly over my hair.
“Promise?” I whispered weakly.
“Aye. I promise, lass. I swear it. Pledge it. I’ll head out right now an’ find something to sacrifice for a blood oath on it, if it’ll make ye believe it.”
“God, I hope Mrs Fergusn got her cat in for the night,” Cal joked about our neighbour, with a chuckle, making me smile.
“I believe you,” I told Arran. He brushed the back of his knuckles over my tear stained cheek as he gave me the gentlest smile I had ever seen cross his face.
“Good,” he nodded. He pulled his hand back and sat at the table. “Come on now, sit up fer us, and try to eat a little somethin’ warm. Yer wastin’ away. Dante’d be force feeding ye, were he here.”
“I miss him,” I sighed as I pushed up to sitting and dropped my legs over the side of Cal’s lap.
“He’ll come back. Just give him a wee bit of time. I think it shook him deeply, knowin’ how badly he hurt ye, and scared ye that night.”
“You really think he’ll come back?” I swiped at my wet cheeks with the sleeves of Cal’s sweater, which I had stolen from him before we came down. My face was stinging and my eyes burned from all of the crying I had done that day.
“I’m sure of it. This is the only home he’s ever known. He’ll no’ be gone fer long,” Arran assured me.
I really wanted him to be right. Dante owned a piece of my heart, just as he, Cal, and Dario did.
“Come on, babe. Food,” Cal said as he pushed his own plate to the side, and pulled mine before me where I sat on his lap. “I know you think you’re not hungry, but just try, okay?”
I gave a weak nod and picked up my fork, pushing the food around a little as Arran tucked in, and Cal started trying to negotiate his own plate from around me.
“I sh-should move,” I told him when he struggled to twine spaghetti around his fork one handed, from where he sat behind me.
“No. Stay there. Rafe and Dario will be here any minute, and I don’t think you should be sitting alone when we talk to them about everything.” Cal said, that stern note in his voice that he had used earlier.
It was so unlike his every day nature, but yet it fit him perfectly too. It certainly seemed to be a tone I couldn’t find the grit to argue with. Maybe that was just because I kind of liked him being bossy with me. It gave me a sense of security that I had never known before. Besides, if I was being rational, I didn’t want to argue. He was right, and always had my best interests at heart. Knowing that, it actually felt good to not have to think, and instead just do as he instructed. It was a small relief.
