Page 32 of In My Heart
“Don’t be silly, sweetheart. We can just order some takeaway. You should be resting,” Rafe cut in.
“I can’t rest anymore!” I snapped instantly.
I knew it was completely unwarranted, but I just needed them to stop trying to shelter me from everything. Them all treating me like I was broken, was only making me feel exactly that – broken beyond repair.
I lowered my head into my hands and forced myself to just breathe. I didn’t want to take out my messed up emotions on Rafe or Dio. They didn’t deserve that.
“I’m sorry, Cara,” Rafe said softly, and I felt his hand rest on my forearm.
“No,” I sighed as I lifted my head and turned to him. “That was all me. I didn’t mean to snap. I know you’re right in a way, Rafe. I do have some injuries, and I don’t feel up to much right now, but I have to keep moving if I’m not going to end up rocking in the corner of the room every few minutes. I don’t want to have too much time to think. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” he agreed. “But I just don’t want you to push yourself too hard. You look so tired, and I’m concerned you’re losing weight too. I don’t want to smother you,Gioia, but I do want to ensure I am taking care of you.”
“You are,” I assured him. “That’s all you’ve done since the day you found me again. But you have to trust me to know my limits too. I spent a long time looking after myself, remember?”
“I, for one, would love to try Cara’s cooking tonight, Rafe. I’m sure Cal will help with the preparation too, as soon as he gets home,” Dio interjected.
“Okay,” my brother gave in. “But take it easy, for me, please? Cook something simple.”
“That won’t be an issue,” I laughed. “I don’t know anything but simple.”
“Shall I make you something else? Have I made that pasta too spicy?” Dio worried as he looked to my almost untouched plate.
“It’s good,” I told him. “I’m just not that hungry. I ate before I hit the gym.”
It was a lie, which I didn’t like, but I also didn’t want them both to look at me with the concern that seemed to have become their most used expression with me. I hated it.
“I have the number of a therapist I want to make an appointment with for you, sweetheart. She’s a trauma counsellor and she was recommended to me by a friend that I trust. She’s based in Cornwall, so sessions with her would have to be done online. Video sessions. What do you think?” Rafe asked.
He caught me off guard and for several moments I just stared at him blankly as panic consumed me. I knew I should do what Rafe was asking of me. I clearly needed help to sort the insanity in my head, but that didn’t make the idea of talking to a complete stranger any less terrifying.
“Can I th-think about it?” I asked eventually.
“Of course, but I’m going to go ahead and make you an appointment anyway, just in case. Apparently this counsellor has a very packed client list so I doubt we could get an appointment immediately.”
“No. I…what if I decide against it?” I stuttered.
“Then we’ll be forced to cancel the appointment, but I really hope you don’t decide against it, Cara. I think taking this step is what you need the most right now. I’d feel better if you would just give it a try, at least.”
“Guilt trip, huh?” I bit back, my annoyance clear.
“Not at all. I would never try to manipulate you like that. I just wanted to be clear how much I think this option could help you. That doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. I told you I would never take your choices from you, and I meant it,” Rafe returned calmly, but I saw a flash of hurt cross his face.
“I’ll think on it,” I agreed begrudgingly. “I’ll be in my room for a while if anyone needs me,” I added in a rush before hurrying from the kitchen as fast as I could.
I knew deep down that Rafe wasn’t trying to manipulate me. He was just worried about me, just like the others were too. They had all mentioned me getting some professional help, and now it seemed Rafe was ready to push a little harder on the subject. And why wouldn’t he? He knew I wasn’t sleeping and barely eating. I had just told him I didn’t dare stop moving for fear I’d fall apart if I did. I’d had a breakdown that ended with me screaming my lungs out just days earlier. It was obvious how messed up I was. Ididneed help. I just wasn’t so sure that I wanted it though.
CHAPTER 9
CARA
“Dante, it’s me…again,” I scoffed. “I don’t know why I’m leaving another message, but I…I miss you. I’m still mad about what happened, but I miss you too, and I’m worried. Just…can you come home, okay? Please come home,” I sniffled into my phone, then ended the call.
I had lost count of how many voicemails I had already left for him, then there had been the text messages too, but he’d never responded, and he hadn’t come home.
Two weeks had passed since the night we all stepped off of that plane and into a waking nightmare. Two weeks since we lost Gia. Two weeks in which I had tried hard to find any recognisable scrap of myself, and failed.
I’d woken from another nightmare that night, the same nightmare that plagued me every time I closed my eyes – the rerun of the hell in that warehouse, of Gia falling to the ground as blood pooled around her, then of men over me, pressing me down, tearing me to pieces. With the adrenaline coursing through my system – the fear feeling that real – I had grabbed my phone with shaking, clammy hands and instinctively hit Dante’s contact. I just wanted him to be there. I wanted him to hold me the way he had in the gym weeks before and make me feel safe.
