Page 12 of In My Heart
“He won’t be doing it alone. I’ll help him. We’ll handle everything, Carr. You just do as Rafe says, and take care of yourself, okay?” Dio spoke up as he rose to his feet and walked over to the bed, perching at the foot of it.
I’ll be okay
I typed. It was a lie, but one that Rafe needed right then.
“You have to be. I can’t lose you too, Cara. Do you understand? You can’t leave me now. Never,” Rafe told me tearfully as he clutched me tightly and pulled me against him.
“Easy, Rafe. Remember that she’s badly bruised,” Dio jumped in, just as Rafe’s hug became a little too tight.
“Fuck!” Rafe gasped as he released me and sniffled loudly. “Sorry,Gioia. I just need you to be safe right now.”
“She will be. We’ll make sure of it,” Dio promised as he pressed a supportive hand to Rafe’s shoulder.
Rafe nodded, then lifted his head to the ceiling as he seemed to try and gather himself again. I pushed out of his arms so I could wrap my own around his waist and just hold him. It wasn’t enough when he was falling apart before me, but it was all I had to offer right then.
“We’re going to get you a therapist, Cara. I want you to start talking to a professional at least once a week,” Rafe announced as he came back to me and wrapped his arms around me too. “I know you’re not keen on the idea, but you’ve been through so much. Too much. I need you to get help to deal with it all. Can you at least try it out, for me?”
Talk?
I held the phone up so they could both see it, trying for a shaky smile at the irony.
“Is there a reason you’re not talking? Did your throat get injured? Arran didn’t seem to think so, but he didn’t see everything,” Rafe asked.
I placed a hand over my throat, one of the few places on my body that didn’t hurt, then shook my head.
“Then what’s going on, Cara?” Dio asked gently. I lifted my head and glanced to him, then started typing.
I don’t know. I didn’t want to make any sound when they were hurting me. Men liked the sounds I used to make before, when I was a kid. They told me to cry and scream. I knew that, so I didn’t give them the sounds this time. It was all I could hold on to. I stayed silent.
“Fuck!” Dio hissed as Rafe seemed to jolt like he’d been struck.
Dio shot to his feet and started pacing back and forth as he ran a hand agitatedly through his wildly messy hair. He was angry. That much was clear.
“I don’t even know where to begin apologising for allowing this to happen to youGioia Mia. You’ve been through so much since I found you. I keep telling you that you’re safe and that we’ll protect you, but we’ve failed again and again. There are no words to ever make that better,” Rafe told me. His body had gone so taut beneath me that I was pretty sure he had to be straining muscles.
You didn’t do any of this to me, Rafe. You did all you could to keep me safe, but we don’t live in a safe world.
I want to tell you that I’m okay, but I’m not.
I want to tell you that I will be okay, but I don’t know if I ever will right now either.
All I can tell you is that I love you, and I want to be here with you. I need to be. Despite everything, I feel safe when I’m in your home, with this family.
I handed Rafe the phone and laid back against him. I felt exhausted again and every part of my body seemed to be throbbing angrily, in perfect synchronicity.
“It’s your home, Cara, and your family too. You belong there, and I’m going to do everything I can to ensure you’re safe there. I’m beefing up security on the house and you’ll never leave to go anywhere without a full security team. I’m also going to make sure everyone knows that you are untouchable. I’m going to make such an example of the Kozlov’s and their entire operation for this, that no one will ever dare come for this family again. We do live a dangerous life, but I’m going to make it a hell of a lot safer,” he promised, and I saw the rage within him with every word he spoke.
I took the phone back from him and typed fast.
Nothing can happen to you either
“It won’t,Piccola. I’ll keep him safe. We all will,” Dio pledged.
“It’s not for you to worry about. I will handle everything. I just need you to get strong. That’s why I want you to see someone…a professional you can open up to.”
I don’t think I’m going to feel safe leaving the house for a while.
I held the phone up for them both to see with embarrassment and so much defeat. I had worked so hard to be strong, and nowI was that girl I had been terrified of becoming, so afraid and messed up I couldn’t even face leaving the safety of my home.
