Page 118 of In My Heart
Be ready by ten AM.
My knees nearly gave out and I stumbled across the room, sitting heavily on the edge of the bed, staring at the dress while panic clawed its way up my throat. This wedding was going to be tethering myself to more pain, violence, and fear, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. What had I done?
I’d walked willingly into the hands of dangerous men believing promises from a dying criminal who had manipulated me. He’d probably been the one to order the death of my mother. He orchestrated my kidnap fromJewels, and those men who had hurt me - the fucker who violated me – they worked for him! I knew this. I knew he was likely behind Rafe’s shooting, and so much more, and still I trusted him. He even laughed at me when I asked him to give his word! God, I was the biggest idiot to everwalk the Earth. I had been blinded by my need to save Dante.
God, Dante….
He might already be dead because of me and if he weren’t, surely it wouldn’t be long before they got rid of him. Shame burned so hot inside, it made my eyes sting.
I pressed trembling fingers against my mouth, fighting the urge to completely fall apart. I glanced down to my black clothes with disgust. Who had I been kidding? There was no strength inside me any longer. Putting on clothes I used to wear wasn’t going to magically make me tough again. I was broken. Weak. So fucking stupid.
Naive.
Daniel’s words echoed viciously in my head because I knew he was right. I used to be street smart. I used to look out for danger like it was my lifetime hobby. Being with Rafe and the guys, letting them shelter me more and more with everything that happened to me, it had destroyed me. It had taken that fiery, strong side of me that I had built over years, and crushed it. It had made me forget.
I let myself break silently in that beautiful prison of a room. I’d never see my brother or the guys I was in love with again. Dante. I’d never even get to tell him that I loved him. I’d die as I’d lived most of my life, alone, afraid, and in violence.
I don’t know how much time passed, but I cried until there weren’t any more tears to come, then I just lay in a ball and drowned in despair. Hours passed and I knew Dario,Arran, and Cal would be losing their minds trying to find me. Rafe too if he had sobered up.
Then, sometime in the early hours of the morning, slowly - painfully slowly - the panic began to harden into something else. Something bitter and angry.
My thoughts changed from despair to disbelief of the life I had been given. I didn’t understand what I did to deserve the horror I had faced. I didn’t know what it was about me that meant the people I loved and cared about were always torn from me, or me from them. I didn’t want to lose anyone else, damn it! And I didn’t want to die in that nightmarish house at the hands of a husband I didn’t consent to, or the will of the man who had given me my crappy genes in the first place.
I wanted a life. I wanted my guys. I wanted Dante alive so I could help him heal and work through what happened between us. I wanted to tell him I loved him and have him hold me the way he had before. I wanted a future. I deserved a future. A good one. And I didn’t want Rafe to lose me. He’d already lost so much. Yes things between us were tough right then, but I loved him and I knew he loved me. We needed each other and he was a part of the future I wanted.
I wasn’t going to let monsters control me anymore. Daniel was not going to pin me down tomorrow night and use me the way so many others had. I would never fucking obey him! I was weak, broken, and stupid, but I wasn’t going down without one final fight.
I lowered my hands and looked again at the locked door. Tomorrow they would let me out, they had to, and therewould be people everywhere. Movement. Distractions. Opportunities. It was time to start thinking smart.
I inhaled shakily. No more weakness. I’d made a catastrophic mistake that night, but collapsing into fear wouldn’t save me or Dante. It wasn’t over yet.
Somewhere beneath the guilt and terror, I could feel the part of myself I’d lost these past months beginning to stir again - the harder part. The stronger part.
I stood and walked to the window overlooking the dark gardens below. The manor loomed around me like a monster waiting to swallow me whole. But monsters could bleed.
If this family thought I was walking quietly to that altar before disappearing into whatever life they planned for me afterward, they were going to learn exactly how dangerous desperate women could be. I had skills. There would be weapons all over a house like this. I’d do it. I’d find a way out. I’d find Dante and we would get the hell away from there together,
And if I had to burn that entire place to the ground to do it, so be it. I refused to give up on myself, or on Dante without one hell of a fight.
CHAPTER 29
CARA
The door unlocked at exactly ten, and my stomach tightened, before it even opened.
Two men came in without a word, wearing dark suits. The clear outlines of their weapons were visible under their jackets. Their eyes didn’t linger on my face, only the dress - like they were conducting an inspection; prisoner dressed correctly. Check. Bride appropriate. Check. That’s all I was to them. A prisoner. A job.
“Move,” one said.
I stepped forward carefully. The heels caught immediately, forcing me to grab the doorframe before I fell. There was no way I was going to get far in the damn things. I didn’t understand why any woman would go through the agony of wearing them.
The dress was heavier than it looked too, painful structure stitched into every layer, cleverly hidden with layered satin that looked so delicate and elegant. I’d barely put any makeup on – deciding less was definitely more when I had no idea what I was doing, and no inclination to make much of an effort. I’d twisted my hair up into an up-do I had haphazardly created. There were about a hundred bobby pins holding it in place, and still wild strands had escaped around my face already. I probably looked the fanciest I had ever looked, and I fucking hated it.
Behind me, a hand shoved my shoulder.
“Walk properly.”
“I am walking,” I snapped, catching myself against the wall again. “Have you seen these insane shoes?”
