Page 102 of In My Heart
“I can, because it’s true. You’re mine, and that means that I will know every way to pleasure every part of this body soon enough,” he told me confidently.
“I want to make you feel good too,” I argued.
“You will. I’ll teach you how to make me feel good too, babe. We’ll have mind blowing sex, and that’ll just be another way I prove to you how perfect we are for one another.”
“Cocky,” I teased.
“Confident,” he countered. “Now are you going to do as I’ve said, or are we starting this off with a punishment?”
“Punishment?” I squeaked as images from my past pushed forward in an uncontrollable wave. Men telling me I needed to be punished. Mum’s boyfriend’s hitting me, or forcing me down in the guise of punishment. Mum telling me I deserved to be punished as she watched on while men brutally destroyed me.
“Cara?” The voice broke through the fog of unwanted images. “Open your eyes for me, right now,” Cal ordered and I did.
My eyes snapped open and I met his instantly. He was up on his knees and I was straddling his lap, held up by him in one arm, as the other forced my eyes to meet his.
“I’m alright,” I tried to say, but my breathing was coming too fast.
“Just breathe, slow and steady. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
It only took a couple of minutes for me to calm myself. Thankfully, Cal had noticed and pulled me back before the flashbacks got too bad. Tears filled my eyes as it sunk in what had happened and how much I had messed up my first time with Cal.
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered as I hid my face against his shoulder.
“You do not apologize,” he told me flatly.
“I messed it all up,” I sniffled.
“No, you didn’t. I did. I pushed too hard. I don’t even know what I was thinking threatening to punish you. I’m such an idiot sometimes,” he ground out, frustration lacing every word.
“No you’re not!” I gasped.
“No more talking. Just breathe for now. Deep breaths in and out. Slow everything down,” he said more calmly. He held me closer to his still naked body and I wrapped myself around him as much as I could.
I don’t know how much time passed as we just sat that way, holding one another, but the skin contact and his strength around me and under me helped me to calm down, and pull far away from the past that had reared its ugly head.
“It was the word Cal, n-not you,” I told him calmly as I lifted my head to face him a while later. “That word was thrown around a lot in the name of hurting me when I was a kid,” I tried to explain. “I don’t think…I’m not sureI could ever be okay with us using it…not like this….in the bedroom.”
“Of course not. We won’t use it ever again. I’ll warn the others too. That word will become what we call a hard limit - something you will never be comfortable with.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, suddenly exhausted.
“I need you to know I would never have actually hurt you, Cara. What I said…what I threatened…it was a terrible choice on my part, but I meant it in a playful way. If I’d have taken it further it would only have been a few very light and playful spanks, maybe a little drawing out of your orgasms. I would never hurt you physically.”
“I know that, Cal,” I assured him fast. I had no doubt about that. “The word was just a trigger, I think. Flashbacks started.”
“Jesus. I’m so sorry,” he uttered with way too much guilt.
“If I can’t apologize, nor can you. And for the record, I am onboard with what you just told me you may do. Maybe just go with the word ‘consequences’ or something in the future though.”
“And you’d be okay with consequences, the ones I mentioned?”
“Yes. Just thinking about it is turning me on already,” I confessed, needing him to know I was sure of that part.
I didn’t want what had happened to have him doubting himself. I loved who he was in the bedroom, how different that version of him was to the relaxed, easy going version of him he was everywhere else. It was like that darker, dominant side of him was all for me and that made itspecial between us. Not to mention the voice he used and the power that came off of him turned me on to no end.
“Really?” he asked with a smirk and I returned it as I nodded eagerly. His smirk dropped as he seemed to allow common sense way too much pull on the reins, studying me too closely.
“Cal, I’m okay. Please don’t let my past steal this moment from us,” I pleaded.
