Page 85 of Love & Other Drunken Mistakes
He shakes his head and bemoans, “She never believes me. I was a real heartbreaker back in the day!”
“Sure, a heartbreaker who could barely put two words together on our first date.”
“Only because I knew the moment I met you that you were the love of my life.” He turns and winks exaggeratedly at Calder and me. “But I couldn’t give the secret away.”
“Secret,” she scoffs. “You asked me to marry you after a week.”
“Andyousaid yes.”
“You proposed after a week?” I ask. This is the first time they’ve ever mentioned that.
“And you said yes?” Calder adds, looking as baffled as I feel. Apparently, it’s also his first time hearing that part of the story.
“I was surprised!” Mom says defensively. “When I realized what he actually asked, I immediately told him that I couldn’t marry a man I’d only known for a week.”
The words are like a sharp needle, jabbing me mockingly.See? No logical person would want to marry someone they barely know.
“So I told him to ask again in a month,” she admits.
“And she said yes that time too,” Dad adds, his eyes sparkling.
“Wait, I thought you guys got married because of me?” Calder asks. For some reason, he looks offended to discover that he didn’t rush their marriage along.
“That’s because of your grandparents. Your mom said yes, but they said ‘absolutely not. You can ask her again in a year.’ They changed their tune when they found out about you, though.” Dad grabs Calder’s shoulder and shakes him gently. “Our little matchmaker, helping the wedding along.”
“I got married.” The words are out before I fully mean to say them.
The reminiscing pauses as my parents stare at me in shock.
Calder leans back in his chair and watches me carefully.
Since no one says anything or asks any questions, I tell them the simple facts. “We met at a bar after Nick and I broke up. We had a few too many drinks, and one thing led to another—”
“Oh!” Mom covers her mouth to stop herself from interrupting further.
“But the officiant had apparently lost their ordination before performing the ceremony.”
“Offician’t,” Calder whispers, like he can’t help himself.
Mom glares at him until he raises his hands in surrender. Turning back to me, she asks softly, “So what does that mean, honey?”
I swallow roughly and force the words out, “It means the marriage is invalid.”
“Good,” Calder says.
“Calder!”
Even though he’s at the other end of the table from her, he ducks, as if her scolding is a physical blow he can avoid. “What? Itisgood. They were already going to get an annulment, now they don’t have to worry about that expense.” He looks at me for backup, but when I don’t say anything, his brow furrows. “You were still getting the annulment, right?”
I can’t exactly explain that we walked in on our attorneys making-out, so I say instead, “We had some difficulty with our legal representation. After that, I thought …” I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. We weren’t on the same page. He’s happy the marriage isn’t valid.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Mom says.
“Drunk marriage,” Dad muses, gazing at the far wall. “I should have thought of that.”
“Ian!”
He shrugs unrepentantly. “What? It would have taken your parents right out of the equation.”
